The WISDOM Podcast with Dorothy Zennuriye Juno
The Official Name Change Episode | The WISDOM podcast | S3 E59

The Official Name Change Episode | The WISDOM podcast | S3 E59

July 3, 2022

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The Official Name Change Episode

The WISDOM podcast  Season 3  Episode 59

 

~ "Change is needed.  Change is inevitable.  Change is freedom.”  - dorothy zennuriye juno ~

💜

 

What bold and daring decision have you made a reality?

Do you follow your heart regularly and do you follow it through to where it leads you?

Have you ever done something radically different and then fallen in love with it?

Have you ever felt an inner desire that you gave your attention to that spurred you towards action ~ whether it was to write a book, learn an instrument, build a garden, , move your life to a different geography, have a child, give up an addiction, or perhaps to fall in love with yourself and your life?

There are some of the many experiences of making decisions driven by an awakened voice within you and the conscious desire to evolve and transform ~ to live full on and unapologetically as your true self ~ even if at times, you may not know (just yet) where the path unfolding ~ will lead.

This episode is dedicated to each one of you as you begin the steps ~ a simple yet excitable idea that launches you towards sight unseen, what will become a future revelation of you ~ and at other times the giant and indeed scary leaps forward ~ towards the vision you have always held ~ your heart certain ~ all that you need to do is follow its urging towards something new and always in hopes of a brighter and more compelling life ~ that you are choosing.

 

Sending you great 💜 love...

 

Sharing the wisdom and beauty of divine love with you...

Namaste!

love, dorothy

 

If you have a question or if you would like my guidance or help, connect with me here:  dorothy@dorothyratusny.com

 

Find all Episodes of The WISDOM podcast here  

Love in your inbox?  Subscribe to my weekly WISDOM Notes here

Visit me on social media💜 :  Twitter   Instagram  Facebook

 

More Self-Love Right Here:

* Live Your Greatness [Podcast Episode Season 1 Episode 1]

* How Do I Become Whole?  [Podcast Episode S2 E56]

* Forgiveness IS F R E E D O M  [Podcast Episode S3 E35]

* Self-Love is 'Being Love'  [Podcast Episode S3 E29]

 

* The Ultimate Self-Love WISDOM toolkit

* Self-Love: A Meditation to Heal Your Life  [The Wisdom Archives]

* Work with Me [Life Coaching & Therapy]

 

A generous 'thank you' to Audio Engineer, P. Kirpikau  radioplato

Podcast Theme Music: 'Aura' from the Album, Illuvia by Eternell  www.eternell.net/album/illuvia

 

 

 

Self-Study IS Liberation | ’ask dorothy’ | The WISDOM podcast | S3 E56

Self-Study IS Liberation | ’ask dorothy’ | The WISDOM podcast | S3 E56

June 23, 2022

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'ask dorothy' | Q & A

Self-Study IS Liberation

The WISDOM podcast  Season 3  Episode 56

 

~ "gnōthi seauton" ~ Know Thyself ~

💜

 

In this episode of ‘ask dorothy’ I answer the question: What are the characteristics and traits of those who self-actualize and who live in liberation and the freedom to be all that they can and more?

 

If you are here and listening, this is for you. 

We live in a society and a world in which we are taught to look outside of our self for answers, for authority, for validation, for friendship, for community; for the ideals that we are taught to strive for and the timeline for accomplishing what is deemed acceptable.

 

Nowhere is our heart more certain than when we have found another who loves and adores us.

 

The gaze is always external. Even when we are asked to know ourselves, we still compare what we see with what we perceive to be the inspired ideal.

 

Self-actualization can be misrepresented. We may have an idea and an image of what it means to experience a state of being in which we have arrived. We are here. We are complete.

 

Self-actualized people have an acceptance of who they are, including what I call ‘the ego mind’ ~ the human construct that at times pulls us in to the limited ways in which we think and act and which create our suffering.

 

When you are self-actualized you experience a drive to be creative in all aspects of your life. This is in fact how you thrive.

 

Sending you great 💜 love...

 

Sharing the wisdom and beauty of divine love with you...

Namaste!

love, dorothy

 

If you have a question or if you would like my guidance or help, connect with me here:  dorothy@dorothyratusny.com

 

Find all Episodes of The WISDOM podcast here  

Love in your inbox?  Subscribe to my weekly WISDOM Notes here

Visit me on social media💜 :  Twitter   Instagram  Facebook

 

 

More WISDOM and LOVE right here:

 

* SVADHYAYA ~ Self-Study  [Podcast S3 E55]  * The Niyamas Series: 4/5

* TAPAS ~ Self-Discipline  [Podcast S3 E53]  * The Niyamas Series: 3/5

* SANTOSHA ~ Contentment  [Podcast S3 E51]  * The Niyamas Series: 2/5

* SAUCHA ~ Purification  [Podcast S3 E49]  * The Niyamas Series: 1/5

 

* APARIGRAHA ~ Non-Attachment  [Podcast S3 E47]  * The Yamas Series: 5/5

* BRAHMACHARYA ~ Non-Excess  [Podcast S3 E45]  * The Yamas Series: 4/5

* ASTEYA ~ Non-Stealing  [Podcast S3 E43]  * The Yamas Series: 3/5

* SATYA ~ Truthfulness  [Podcast S3 E41]  * The Yamas Series: 2/5

* AHIMSA ~ Nonviolence  [Podcast S3 E39]  * The Yamas Series: 1/5

 

* Impermanence  'ask dorothy'  [Podcast Episode]

* The Yamas & Niyamas  [Book by Deborah Adele]

* Live Your Greatness [Podcast Episode Season 1 Episode 1]

* How Do I Become Whole?  [Podcast Episode S2 E56]

* Forgiveness IS F R E E D O M  [Podcast Episode S3 E35]

* Self-Love is 'Being Love'  [Podcast Episode S3 E29]

 

* The Ultimate Self-Love WISDOM toolkit

* Self-Love: A Meditation to Heal Your Life  [The Wisdom Archives]

* Work with Me [Life Coaching & Therapy]

 

A generous 'thank you' to Audio Engineer, P. Kirpikau  radioplato

Podcast Theme Music: 'Aura' from the Album, Illuvia by Eternell  www.eternell.net/album/illuvia

 

 

 

TAPAS ~ Self-Discipline | The Niyamas Series: 3/5 | The WISDOM podcast |  S3 E53

TAPAS ~ Self-Discipline | The Niyamas Series: 3/5 | The WISDOM podcast | S3 E53

June 12, 2022

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TAPAS ~ Self-Discipline ~ 

The Niyamas Series: 3 of 5

The WISDOM podcast  Season 3  Episode 53

 

~ "If we choose to walk into the fire, it is perhaps the greatest gift life could offer us." ~

💜

 

Welcome to the third episode in this series on the Niyamas. Niyama is a Sanskrit word that translates as “rules, guidelines, or observances.” Niyamas appear in Hindu and Buddhist texts, and they are best known as the second limb of the eight limbs of yoga, as described in Patanjali's Yoga Sutras.

 

These eight steps act as guidelines for how to live a meaningful and purposeful life. They serve as a prescription for moral and ethical conduct and principles; they direct attention toward one’s health; and they help us to acknowledge the spiritual aspects of our nature.

 

The Niyamas are an invitation into a radical exploration of possibility. Just how good can you feel? How joyful can your life be? Can you reveal just how amazing you are?

My hope in sharing each of the five niyamas – is to open you further to the spiritual life that you can live in the physical ~ and the absolute beauty and wonder that you may cultivate readily for yourself.

 

In this episode I cite and also quote directly from Deborah Adele’s book: The Yamas and Niyamas. Exploring Yoga’s Ethical Practice in addition to other sources that I will list in the description. They if you wish to continue your study.

 


Tapas - or self-discipline, austerity, perseverance, burning enthusiasm ~ describes a spirit of ‘fierce grace’.


In Tapas we employ physical and mental conditioning to push against the natural resistance our body and mind present. This resistance is what generates your inner fire.

 

The literal definition of tapas is “heat” – and in this case it is the heat that builds during periods of determined effort. Tapas accompanies any discipline that is willingly and gladly accepted in order to bring about a change of some kind—whether it be improved health, a new habit, better concentration, or a different direction in life.

 

Tapas is a process of burning through untruths, fears, discomfort, pain, and struggle ~ channelling the fire of that experience into self-disciplined actions that fuel your evolution.

Tapas focuses energy, creates fervour, and increases strength and confidence.

For example, the practice of asanas in yoga is a form of tapas for the body; meditation is a tapas that purifies and focuses the mind.

Tapas is the encouragement to tap into your inner fire as what you draw from ~ as discipline to transform yourself into something else.

 

 

I also invite to check out my 5-part series on the Yamas next. These are moral disciplines that transcend all world religions as guiding us to live of our light and our highest self. I will leave links for this series in the description.

 

 

 

Please consider how you can live with greater self-discipline.  Allow your discipline to guide you into the fire of fierce grace.  Leave a note for me here!  Share with me the discipline that you invite into your life.

 

Sending you great 💜 love...

 

Sharing the wisdom and beauty of divine love with you...

Namaste!

love, dorothy

 

If you have a question or if you would like my guidance or help, connect with me here:  dorothy@dorothyratusny.com

 

Find all Episodes of The WISDOM podcast here  

Love in your inbox?  Subscribe to my weekly WISDOM Notes here

Visit me on social media💜 :  Twitter   Instagram  Facebook

 

 

More WISDOM and resources on the Niyamas:

*A Journaling Tool for Cultivating The Fire of Discipline  [Downloadable PDF ~ My gift to help you engage in your self-discipline practice]

* The Yamas & Niyamas  [Book by Deborah Adele]

 

* SAUCHA ~ Purification  [Podcast S3E49]  * The Niyamas Series: 1/5

* SANTOSHA - Contentment  [Podcast S3 E51]  * The Niyamas Series: 2/5

 

* APARIGRAHA ~ Non-Attachment  [Podcast S3 E47]  * The Yamas Series: 5/5

* BRAHMACHARYA ~ Non-Excess  [Podcast S3 E45]  * The Yamas Series: 4/5

* ASTEYA ~ Non-Stealing  [Podcast S3 E43]  * The Yamas Series: 3/5

* SATYA ~ Truthfulness  [Podcast S3 E41]  * The Yamas Series: 2/5

* AHIMSA ~ Nonviolence  [Podcast S3 E39]  * The Yamas Series: 1/5

 

* How Do I Become Whole?  [Podcast Episode S2 E56]

* Forgiveness IS F R E E D O M  [Podcast Episode S3 E35]

* Self-Love is 'Being Love'  [Podcast Episode S3 E29]

* Live Your Greatness [Podcast Episode Season 1 Episode 1]

* The Ultimate Self-Love WISDOM toolkit

* Self-Love: A Meditation to Heal Your Life  [The Wisdom Archives]

* Work with Me [Life Coaching & Therapy]

 

A generous 'thank you' to Audio Engineer, P. Kirpikau  radioplato

Podcast Theme Music: 'Aura' from the Album, Illuvia by Eternell  www.eternell.net/album/illuvia

 

 

 

Self-Discipline Is Your Superpower  ’ask dorothy’ | The WISDOM podcast  | S3 E38

Self-Discipline Is Your Superpower ’ask dorothy’ | The WISDOM podcast | S3 E38

April 19, 2022

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'ask dorothy'

Self-Discipline Is Your Superpower | A Real Life Client Story

The WISDOM podcast  Season 3  Episode 38

- Self-discipline is you acting on your greater conscience to do the right thing – for yourself and in any situation. -

💜

 

 

I think of self-discipline as a superpower because it is precisely what brings the inertia into the present moment for you to take action. It is what stops the chatter of the mind and overrides the old scripts that you replay with new language, the determination that says quite instinctively, “I can do this” and “I am doing this.”

 

Self-discipline could be exactly what you are missing and what keeps you from living your life in the way that you deeply desire.

So to ask yourself:How self-disciplined am I?’ Be wholly honest with your answer. and ‘Where in my life do I need to be more self-disciplined and how?’ These make great journal prompts for you to better self-examine the areas of your life that need self-discipline.

 

Self-discipline is so important that it is the single identifying criteria as to whether you get things done and in a timely manner.

 

Self-discipline stops the procrastination effect and the relinquishing of responsibility and it is the solution if you’ve ever struggled with unproductive or self-sabotaging habits that limit your potential.

 

In this episode we take a deep dive into the mechanisms that you need to build self-discipline; including how to up level your self-discipline in a way that supercharges your decisions and the actions you take ~ to support you in all of the best practices that you will live.

 

And if you are a parent, this episode will be helpful as it reminds you of the importance of setting the right example because your children will see the incongruity between what you say and what you do. Your actions speak louder than your words. Your children will learn the habits that you hold including a lack of self-discipline.

 

Each Tuesday at 8pm EST, I take you on a journey - inside - what happens in a session of Life Coaching and Therapy in the 'ask dorothy' series as we answer the questions that honour your path and your life.

 

 

To help you up level your self-discipline, please let me help you live your truth.

 

*The name of my client and the names of her parents have been changed to maintain confidentiality.

 

Sending you great 💜 love...

 

Sharing the wisdom and beauty of divine love with you...

Namaste!

love, dorothy

 

If you have a question or if you would like my guidance or help, please reach out to me:  dorothy@dorothyratusny.com

 

Find all Episodes of The WISDOM podcast here  

Love in your inbox?  Subscribe to my weekly WISDOM Notes here

Visit me on social media💜 :  Twitter   Instagram  Facebook

 

 

More  Self-Discipline and  w i s d o m:

 

* Why You Need Self-Mastery  ['ask dorothy' Podcast Episode S3 E8]

* Self-Regulation IS Self-Mastery ['ask dorothy' Podcast Episode S2E63]

* The Power of Self-Honesty. How Honest Are You Willing To Be?  [Podcast Episode S3 E13]

*  The Intention You Bring to All You Do Is How You Live in Happiness  [Podcast Episode S2 E61]

*  How to Live As Love  [YouTube Video]

*  The Kindness Challenge [Read The WISDOM BLOG post here]

*  Live Your Greatness [Podcast Episode Season 1]

*  This Is A Self-Love Movement  [YouTube Video]

*  The Ultimate Self-Love WISDOM toolkit

*  Self-Love: A Meditation to Heal Your Life  [The Wisdom Archives]

*  Work with Me [Life Coaching & Therapy]

 

A generous 'thank you' to Audio Engineer, P. Kirpikau  radioplato

Podcast Theme Music: 'Aura' from the Album, Illuvia by Eternell  www.eternell.net/album/illuvia

 

 

 

 

 

The NEW PROTOCOL For Goal Achievement | ’ask dorothy’ | The WISDOM podcast | S3 E30

The NEW PROTOCOL For Goal Achievement | ’ask dorothy’ | The WISDOM podcast | S3 E30

March 22, 2022

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'ask dorothy'

The NEW PROTOCOL for Goal Achievement

The WISDOM podcast  Season 3  Episode 30

 

"Goals are the inner desires and yearnings of your heart that when aligned with the conscious mind, body, and the soul, become the unstoppable force that propels you into your greatness - already awaiting." ~

💜

 

Two questions that I often hear from clients are:

What is the most successful method to use when goal setting?

Is there a specific protocol I should be following for achieving the best results?

 

Indeed there is. Let me share my answers with you.

Whether you are working on setting new goals or reaching existing ones; whether you have been on a self-directed journey or we are working in collaboration towards your goals, this is for you.

 

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In this episode, I break down a next-level protocol for goal achievement and the simple tool that will bring you into alignment with what you most desire.  This will change how you think about setting and achieving your goals.

 

How are you standing in your own way?

What one element do you need to step into alignment with to make your goal a reality?

What can make it easier for your mind and body to follow the path you are already on?

Can you allow the soul to guide you and lead your actions?
 

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To help you answer these questions, 
I've created a gift for you to guide you in your goal setting. It's a free printable worksheet you can use as a tool in realizing your goals by achieving balance of mind, body and soul.  Download it here.

 

Each Tuesday at 8pm EST, I take you on a journey - inside - what happens in a session of Life Coaching and Therapy in the 'ask dorothy' series as we answer the questions that honour your path and your life.

 

 

Sending you great 💜 love...

 

Sharing the wisdom and beauty of divine love with you...

Namaste!

love, dorothy

 

If you have a question or if you would like my guidance or help, please reach out to me:  dorothy@dorothyratusny.com

 

Find all Episodes of The WISDOM podcast here  

Love in your inbox?  Subscribe to my weekly WISDOM Notes here

Visit me on social media💜 :  Twitter   Instagram  Facebook

 

 

Therapy and Life Coaching Resources:

*  Perseverance  [Podcast Episode Season 3]

* The Power of Self-Honesty: How Honest Are You Willing To Be?  [Podcast Episode Season 3]

*  Live Your Greatness [Podcast Episode Season 1]

*  This Is A Self-Love Movement  [YouTube Video]

* The Ultimate Self-Love WISDOM toolkit

* Work with Me [Life Coaching & Therapy]

 

A generous 'thank you' to Audio Engineer, P. Kirpikau  radioplato

Podcast Theme Music: 'Aura' from the Album, Illuvia by Eternell  www.eternell.net/album/illuvia

💜

 

 

Build A Positive Sense of Self: 8 Wildly Important ‘Best Practices’ to Live By | The WISDOM podcast | S3 E18

Build A Positive Sense of Self: 8 Wildly Important ‘Best Practices’ to Live By | The WISDOM podcast | S3 E18

January 30, 2022

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Build A Positive Sense of Self:

8 Wildly Important ‘Best Practices' to Live By

The WISDOM podcast  Season 3  Episode 18

“You can check in with all of those who love you; whose love is unconditional and unwavering but the true feeling of certainty is born out of the love that you liberate yourself unto.” - dorothy ratusny

 

 

Your positive sense of self is the means by which you live - awakened to know and appreciate all of the aspects that define you; in the context of how you witness yourself in the world, self-honest and willing to live honourably – to do the right thing – because this is how you experience yourself as a being of love.

 

 

In psychology, sense of self refers to your conceptualization of the collection of characteristics that define you.

 

Personality traits, abilities and skills, your likes and dislikes, your belief system, your morals and values, what motivates you — how you view yourself in relationships and your perception of how others relate to and receive you. These all contribute to self-esteem and your unique identity as a person.

 

There are many natural and organic ways that each one of us develops our sense of self beginning with our early childhood. With the known research in neural plasticity, we have the ability to change our sense of self; to develop a more positive and certainly a healthier sense of who we are.

 

In this episode we discuss what it means to have a healthy and strong sense of self – one that exists because of the relationship you build and nurture with yourself. This is the most important relationship you will ever have. It begins the true awakening of what lies within – what you are beyond the physical and your mind.

 

Sense of self is achieved by developing the means by which you can be comfortable and content in your own company and to enjoy the companionship of yourself.

 

 

 

Sending you great 💜 love...

 

Sharing the wisdom and beauty of divine love with you...

Namaste!

love, dorothy

 

If you have a question or if you would like my guidance or help, please reach out to me:  dorothy@dorothyratusny.com

 

Find all Episodes of The WISDOM podcast here  

Love in your inbox?  Subscribe to my weekly WISDOM Notes here

Visit me on social media💜 :  Twitter   Instagram  Facebook

 

 

Your Positive Sense of Self - Up levelled:

*  Who Am I? (Part One)  [YouTube Video]

*  Know Yourself Best: Who Am I Becoming? (Part Two)  [YouTube Video]

*  Live Your Greatness [Podcast Episode Season 1]

*  This Is A Self-Love Movement  [YouTube Video]

* The Ultimate Self-Love WISDOM toolkit

* Self-Love: A Meditation to Heal Your Life  [The Wisdom Archives]

* Work with Me [Life Coaching & Therapy]

 

A generous 'thank you' to Audio Engineer, P. Kirpikau  radioplato

Podcast Theme Music: 'Aura' from the Album, Illuvia by Eternell  www.eternell.net/album/illuvia

 

My Holiday Wish For You. Live The Magic of Your Heart Wisdom. | The WISDOM podcast | S3 E7

My Holiday Wish For You. Live The Magic of Your Heart Wisdom. | The WISDOM podcast | S3 E7

December 19, 2021

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My Holiday Wish For You. Live The Magic of Your Heart Wisdom.

The WISDOM podcast  Season 3  Episode 7

 

In this special holiday episode of The WISDOM podcast, I share the ways in which you can live the MAGIC of this time of year, in all of the moments of your life.

Join me, as I share the secrets for returning to your childlike wonder, and to live with appreciation, hope, and the joy that fills your being; expressed as love, gratitude and happiness!

 

Magic arises as you choose to see the perfection and the beautiful in all of life; to look for magic; to open yourself to its definition experienced in many ways and as you choose to live hopeful, grateful and in appreciation of life’s pure blessings that shower you in a state of love; and as you continue to witness the moments that are filled with all that is still to come – so that you can imagine and live in the magic of life that you live now.

 

Look towards all of what possibilities of magic live everywhere.

 

Find the magic in the life you live now, in the precious moments that you live fully present and awake; and in what you gift to yourself as imagination and ideas that come to life.

 

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!! 🎄🕊💜

 

Sharing the wisdom and beauty of divine love with you...

Namaste!

love, dorothy

 

If you have a question or if you would like my guidance or help, please reach out to me:  dorothy@dorothyratusny.com

Find all Episodes of The WISDOM podcast here  

Love in your inbox?  Subscribe to my weekly WISDOM Notes here

Visit me on social media💜 :  Twitter   Instagram  Facebook

 

 

Resources / Online Courses and Recommended Reading:

* The Wisdom Archives [A digital healing sanctuary of meditation, mindfulness, spiritual wisdom and best practices for your mental well being.]

Presence [The WISDOM BLOG]

* The Ten Sacred Habits of Meditation  [The School of Wisdom]

* The School of WISDOM  [all courses!]

* The Ultimate Self-Love WISDOM toolkit

* Self-Love: A Meditation to Heal Your Life  [The Wisdom Archives]

 

A generous 'thank you' to Audio Engineer, P. Kirpikau  radioplato

Podcast Theme Music: 'Aura' from the Album, Illuvia by Eternell  www.eternell.net/album/illuvia

 

 

How Long Have You Waited For Love?  | ’ask dorothy’  |  A Real Life Client Story  | The WISDOM podcast | S2 E77

How Long Have You Waited For Love? | ’ask dorothy’ | A Real Life Client Story | The WISDOM podcast | S2 E77

June 1, 2021

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'ask dorothy'

How Long Have You Waited For Love?| A Real Life Client Story

The WISDOM podcast  S2 E77

 

 

For so many clients it is in that very first session that we chart a course for the journey deep within; a journey that is often overdue; a journey that will help free clients from what hurts and trauma have caused them to doubt in their ability to feel whole and of peace; a journey that safely guides them into healing, love, acceptance and approval for what was not given freely and without conditions ~  and of which they (sometimes unknowingly), are now ready to give to themselves.

 

How Long Have You Waited For Love?

 

We are beginning to understand that love must be willingly given to our self ~ that we cannot thrive in the absence of it and we do not need to wait for someone to love us to feel loved.

 

Love as a feeling and a state of being that is experienced out of living in self-love.

 

Each one of us is equipped to love and to give love ceaselessly. We are all hard wired for this ~ to love yourself and to love others and to do this as the love of one human being to another.

 

It may be that we need to practice self-love ~ to first learn it and to be reminded of the ways that we already do this.

 

The experience of love directed inward is how we reclaim our power and our wholeness.

To direct love inward through words and actions of loving-kindness is how we walk the planet in perfect oneness; feeling attuned with our ability to feel loved.

 

Here I share the story of my client Sara* and her partner Dana* and the many self-sacrifices that Sara made in order to keep the relationship even as it became strife and emotional turmoil ~ in tact. 

*The names here have been changed to maintain confidentiality. My client’s story is real.

 

Sending you great 💜love...

 

Sharing the wisdom and beauty of divine love with you...

Namaste!

love, dorothy

 

If you have a question or if you would like my guidance or help, please reach out to me:  dorothy@dorothyratusny.com

Find all Episodes of The WISDOM podcast here  

Love in your inbox?  Subscribe to my weekly WISDOM Notes here

Visit me on social media💜 :  Twitter   Instagram

 

More Resources and Love:

This Is A Self-Love Movement  [YouTube Video]

* The Ultimate Self-Love WISDOM toolkit

* Self-Love: A Meditation to Heal Your Life  [The Wisdom Archives]

* Do You Let Love In? How to Feel Deserving of Love  [Podcast Episode]

 

A generous 'thank you' to Audio Engineer, P. Kirpikau  radioplato

Podcast Theme Music: 'Aura' from the Album, Illuvia by Eternell  www.eternell.net/album/illuvia

Accompanying Music: Eternell - Autumn Sky - 'Elevation' + Purl - Stillpoint - 'Melora'

 

 

 

Rebuild Your Confidence After The End Of A Love Relationship | The WISDOM podcast | Season 1 Episode 7

Rebuild Your Confidence After The End Of A Love Relationship | The WISDOM podcast | Season 1 Episode 7

November 10, 2019

 

"Rebuild Your Confidence After the End of A Love Relationship" 

the Wisdom Podcast  Season 1  Episode 7

TIMESTAMPS:

Podcast Intro:  0-2:12  |  Welcome From Dorothy And the Stories Of My Clients: 2:14 |  The Story of 'Adele' and the Building of Lasting Confidence:  5:22  | When a Love Relationship Ends Despite Our Will...  8:14  |  Your Sense of Self:  9:45  |  To Experience Greater Self-Confidence:  11:00  |  How Well Formed is Your Sense of Self? 3 Questions to Ask Yourself:  12:40  |  If Your Confidence Feels Shaken After a Breakup...   14:07  |  How Adele Rebuilt Her Confidence and Challenged Her Untrue Core Beliefs:  18:05

 

 

If you feel unhappy, unworthy, undesirable or confused; if you are uncertain about the future as you are grieving the end of a relationship, this episode is for you.

 

TRUTH SERUM: Examining your life path and the origin of your core beliefs.
Re-writing the narrative.

 

A-HA MOMENTS: Realizing and rewriting self-limiting core beliefs.
Deepening your knowledge and confidence in who you are and that you are more than enough.

 

PRACTICAL WISDOM: Accepting what you cannot change and changing what you can to become stronger, happier and more confident.  Become a stronger more confident version of yourself. 

 

REAL CLIENT STORIES:

Love after loss, the 7 year itch, an Australian adventure and re-writing the narrative of those nagging core beliefs.

Courtney was restless, He wasn’t going to change his mind.
Jacob was widowed and had two young children.
Adele was excited, but cautious.
This is a story about choosing happiness and defying the stereotypes, about love, loss, uncertainty and travelling across the world to find self-love.

 

My client Adele* had been in a serious relationship with Jacob* for eight months.  Jacob was widowed and had two young children.  When they first began to date, Adele was excited, but cautious.  Her previous long term relationship ended abruptly after seven years.  Her then fiance Courtney* expressed to her one day that he hadn't been happy for some time; that he had been thinking about the rest of his life and the many experiences that he still wanted to have before settling down and having a family.  Adele intuitively felt as though there was more that Courtney wasn't telling her, but in the end, after several months of holding hope that they would get back together, Adele realized that Courtney wasn't going to change his mind; that he was having fun being single and living his life on his terms; and that she needed to move on.  After a prolonged time of intense grieving and the lingering confusion of not really knowing if there was something more; something that she may have done to cause this, Adele decided that a change of scenery would be a good thing for her, and so she left her job to travel for a year in Australia.

When a love relationship ends; and if the revelation is that our partner no longer wishes to be with us; it often becomes a personal blow to our sense of self.  We internalize the ending of a relationship as a loss, as perhaps something that was our fault; and we are often left with unresolved feelings of confusion, disbelief, and sadness.

A relationship ending can cause you to doubt your ability to believe that you are desirable and worthy.  It also has the potential of highlighting your insecurities and self-doubt.  This may cause you to examine what aspects of your self you may lack confidence in.  Therein begins your work - to deepen your knowledge and confidence in who you are and to know that you are more than enough.

Adele blamed herself for Courtney's decision to end the relationship and questioned what she could have done or said that may have caused this.  When a love relationship ends despite our will, we might find ourselves deeply shaken; our confidence in our self and in feeling 'good enough' and 'desirable' may be damaged for a time or indefinitely - and we may find ourselves wondering if we will ever "find" someone again to love us (and would this next love last?)

 

"While you can't change the past, you can change the way you think about it and what effect it has on your present." - dorothy ratusny

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A relationship can provide us with merit and the stability that allows us to feel approval, desirable, and loved; and yet it can also be a distraction from doing the work of loving and accepting our self as who we are; and as separate and unique from our identify as part of a couple.

For many, sense of self is enmeshed with job title, accomplishments and success, socioeconomic status; and quite often the success of our partner and the accomplishments of our children.  It's only when you identify with who you are as separate from the many roles and responsibilities that you have, and from your relationships and affiliations with others, that you can truly own and internalize your self-worth and to know your authentic self.

For Adele and so many like her who experience a blow to their confidence and their feelings of desirability at the time of a breakup; this would suggest that there is some unfinished work towards developing a healthy and autonomous sense of self.

Starting a new relationship doesn't solve the quest of feeling confident and self assured.  Taking the time while you are newly single to develop a better relationship with yourself; to learn about who you are at this time and place in your life; to experience greater self-confidence, and to feel desirable and good enough for yourself - by your healthy standards, means that when you are ready to step into the next relationship, you will be certain of what you want and what you are not willing to settle for.

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Your relationship should never define how you feel about yourself or if you are good enough.

A few months into her travels abroad, Adele met Jacob.  It wasn't long before they began dating exclusively and were in love.  When Adele's travel visa expired and she was required to return home, she became overwhelmed with feelings of insecurity, self-doubt and fear.  She had convinced herself that Jacob would forget about her and move on to someone new since now their relationship would be one of distance, and for an indefinite period of time until she could acquire a new visa.

Throughout life, we are given replete opportunities to face our insecurities and fears.  We can choose to face these with a deep breath, guided by our inner knowing and our deepest desires of how we want to be; and embrace the challenges before us, knowing that to do so means that we will have a different outcome simply by our choice to react; to go after what we want rather than convince our self that we are not capable.

To help us with this, it is important, in fact its critical - that we do the inner work of growing our confidence; of building our sense of self; of being self-assured in who we are.  Without self-confidence, we will continue to rely on others to help us feel better about our self, to validate that we are good enough and deserving rather than relying on our own belief and the self-knowledge that we are indeed more than enough, deserving, and worthy.

Your sense of self is built upon the practice of knowing yourself well and being willing to live true to who you are; it means relying on your feelings of confidence and self-esteem; of being independent and autonomous; able to take care of your needs; and to take the necessary steps to overcome whatever setbacks or loss you might experience with dignity and self-reassurance.  Having a healthy sense of self means that you choose your forward movement along a path that you desire; with positive feelings and inertia, and to never give up on your self.

If you rely on others for external feedback to remind you that you are desirable and good enough, then you will be vulnerable and dependant on a source outside of yourself; a source that you can never fully expect to provide you with accolades, encouragement, and love in the ways or distinct timing that you would need it.  Rather than rely on another person or a love relationship for your positive feelings of self-worth, ask yourself the following reflective questions as a way of determining how much confidence and esteem you hold that is based on your belief of who you are rather than on how others see or value you:

Click to Download an Introspective Worksheet

For Cultivating Confidence


How well formed is your sense of self?

  1. What are the qualities that I value most about myself? (e.g. attributes, personality traits, my strengths, what I believe in, etc)
  2. What causes me to feel less desirable or unworthy?  
  3. What can I do for myself in these situations (or moments) to acknowledge my worthiness and value; and to uphold my confidence and self-worth?

These questions are definitely worth the investment of time that you give them.  Once you have your answers, keep them close at hand to remind you that your confidence and worth originate within you.

 

If your confidence feels shaken after the ending of a love relationship, rather than jump immediately back into the dating world, even though you may think that doing so can help boost your confidence; remember that this very action is an example of looking externally for validation.  To begin a new relationship before you build confidence in yourself keeps you feeling vulnerable and overly sensitive to what others say and do; and it sets you up for feeling judged or rejected if your new partner does not provide you with what you are in search of; which is ultimately approval, acceptance, and love.

Instead take this time whilst being single to look with honesty at where you feel a lack of confidence; and make it a priority to know yourself better; to ask the important questions (such as the ones I mentioned earlier and others) that will help you look within for building your confidence and sense of self, and to ultimately know yourself best in order to give yourself what you need, rather than rely on others for this.

 

"When you are newly single after a breakup, it is one of the best times to reexamine your path in life and what you truly want; to become self-focused rather than looking at others for what you think you should be doing and having.  To know your self is to deepen your understanding and knowledge of who you are and what is most important to you.  This is how you become a stronger, more confident version of your self."  - dorothy ratusny

When you make yourself a priority and invest quality time in your own company, you come to know your self better.  When you rely on yourself and your abilities, you feel a sense of accomplishment and successful.  In doing what allows you to feel authentic happiness, you realize that you are the source of your happiness; that others may contribute to the quality of your life but that it is up to you to feel happiness from within.  Your positive feelings about yourself are felt from the experiences of revelling in (and owning) your personal accomplishments and successes.

*If you would like to practice curating more happiness, watch: The 5 Best Ways to Curate Innate Happiness! 

 

Adopt an outlook of seeing setbacks, disappointment or rejection as an opportunity for becoming more, and for examining what you need to change and improve upon (and not for anyone else - but yourself).  This allows your perspective of life to be one of optimism and of allowing rather than resisting what happens 'to you'; and to revel in life's moments; to reveal ways that can help you to become more confident and self assured.  [You can always assess what doesn't go your way, and to consider whether you need to take a different path to attain your goals, or if perhaps what you want is something different.]

For Adele, this meant examining some of the core beliefs that she held about herself, particularly as it related to her feelings of desirability and attractiveness; which (as she admitted to me) were aspects of herself that she had always felt less confident about.  Adele and I also challenged her core belief that she was "not enough" for someone to want to be with her 'forever', and I showed her how to come up with accurate and positive evidence for how the opposite was in fact true.

When you examine the origin of your core beliefs, you understand how the real life events that you have witnessed and experienced - have set the stage for what you believe - and also what reinforces your insecurities and fears.  With some help to strengthen the new core beliefs that Adele identified, she was able to feel a growing confidence in her worthiness, and she was far less fearful if a future relationship were to end.

 

Your learned beliefs originate from earlier life experiences, what you have been witness to in your environment; including the spoken and unspoken messages you were given throughout childhood, and what you continue to tell yourself, and believe.

Know that in life, you will continue to be given experiences that are opportunities to challenge your core beliefs; revealing what you need to examine more closely, to build greater confidence.  See these life experiences as opportunities to become stronger and more resilient; and to evolve into the very best version of yourself.

 

You can always increase your self-confidence, self-worth and self-esteem.

The more that you live aligned with your authentic or highest self; of choosing what is right and best for you, the more that you will appreciate and value who you are.   Tweet this! tweet-graphic-1.png

 

Adele needed to believe in her own desirability and worth first, in order to feel confident; and to know that she had much to offer someone as a life partner.

As Adele began to develop new core beliefs that she could believe in, her confidence in herself, and her desirability and attractiveness grew.  She began to acknowledge her worth and value based on who she already was, and she found evidence to prove to herself that she was more than good enough as a life partner for someone.  As I showed Adele how to challenge her self-doubts and the critical thoughts that would on occasion creep into her mind, Adele began to look for and find evidence that she was indeed desirable and worthy of having a wonderful long term relationship.  With a little help, she began rewriting the old insecure narratives that she had been telling herself for so long.

 

When her travel visa was ready and she returned to Australia, Adele brought with her a newfound sense of self that she had never felt before; together with the knowledge that she was more than enough for this or any relationship.  Adele also noticed that having done this inner work meant that she no longer would lose herself in a relationship; and that she could voice her needs and desires knowing that she deserved to feel happiness based on knowing herself best and in choosing a path that was right for her.  Adele continues to live in Australia with her partner and two step-children and is a wonderful example of how self-confidence can be built at any time in one's life by choice.

The ending of a love relationship may rattle our confidence for a short time, and it is also possible that we will never really know the whole truth about why someone has chosen to end the relationship.  What is even more important is that you understand and know your worth; that all relationships begin and end in some form, but that your responsibility to yourself is always to believe in who you are (in your greatness).  Your belief in yourself is built upon positive action, through the ongoing and repetitive inner dialogue that reminds you of all that you are capable and deserving of, and to know that it is always within your power and your sacred rite to improve yourself; to grow and enhance who you are - because of your desire to do so.

If you enter into a new relationship continuing to doubt your worthiness, to feel insecure in who you are, to question your desirability, intelligence, attractiveness, or to be fearful of not being 'enough'; then you will not attract the kind of partner that you truly want.  It matters first that you feel secure in who you are and confident in your value and worth.

If you know that you could benefit from rebuilding your confidence and a healthy sense of self that is based in truth rather than what problematic core beliefs you hold; please let me help.  It may be time that you free yourself of the insecurities and fears that have kept you from finding the 'right' partner and for knowing that you are deserving of much (unconditional) love, beginning with your feelings towards yourself.  If you would like my help in doing this, please reach out to me. 💜

 

*The name of my client and others have been changed to maintain confidentiality.  Additional details or circumstances may also have been altered in order to ensure their utmost privacy.  

 

Sharing the wisdom and beauty of divine love with you...

Namaste!

love, dorothy

 

Podcast Theme Music: 'Aura' from the Album, Illuvia by Eternell  www.eternell.net/album/illuvia

Accompanying Music: Eternell, 'Embrace'

A generous 'thank you' to Audio Engineer, P. Kirpikau for your excellent work!

 

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