The WISDOM Podcast with Dorothy Zennuriye Juno
Set Yourself Free | The WISDOM podcast | S3  Bonus Episode 1

Set Yourself Free | The WISDOM podcast | S3 Bonus Episode 1

September 24, 2022

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Set Yourself Free 

The WISDOM podcast  Season 3  Bonus Episode 1

 

~This is a message of healing and personal choice.  ~

💜

 

Maybe it is one of the hardest decisions - to let go of another person and a relationship that you have had all of your life.

Maybe you have deliberated this for some time, and questioned yourself about your decision to step free.

 

This episode follows some of the earlier content of Season Three on the topic of abuse, of trauma, and of the ways in which we can heal ourselves.

 

I wrote this episode as a message of healing and to offer you permission to step away; to set yourself free from those who continue to be hurtful and who have repeatedly shown you that they are not ready nor willing to change.

 

Whether the pattern of abuse and trauma has occurred in your family of origin, or if it has existed in a workplace environment ~ and if you have felt trapped and unable to break free, let this episode offer you both the permission and the viable means in which to free yourself ~ to stand strong on your own ground of what you know is right and best for you.

 

Remember that you need to choose this because others have chosen to continue in their abusive and harmful words and actions. 

 

There is no blame, only acceptance and permission ~ to live in peace.

 

I hope that my words here will help you ~ empower you ~ liberate you to live free. 

Namaste! 💜

 

More on the subject here:

The Cycle of Abuse Stops With You ~ 'ask dorothy' ~ A Real Life Client Story  [Podcast S3 E34]

Escaping Abuse: Why We Stay ~ How To Leave For Good ~ 4 Strategies to End The Cycle  [Podcast S2 E10]

How to Release the Trauma You've Been Keeping  [Podcast S3 E24]

The Voice of Trauma [Podcast S3 E33]

The Violence That We Cause Others ~ AHIMSA  [Podcast S3 E40]

 

 

The Official Name Change Episode | The WISDOM podcast | S3 E59

The Official Name Change Episode | The WISDOM podcast | S3 E59

July 3, 2022

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The Official Name Change Episode

The WISDOM podcast  Season 3  Episode 59

 

~ "Change is needed.  Change is inevitable.  Change is freedom.”  - dorothy zennuriye juno ~

💜

 

What bold and daring decision have you made a reality?

Do you follow your heart regularly and do you follow it through to where it leads you?

Have you ever done something radically different and then fallen in love with it?

Have you ever felt an inner desire that you gave your attention to that spurred you towards action ~ whether it was to write a book, learn an instrument, build a garden, , move your life to a different geography, have a child, give up an addiction, or perhaps to fall in love with yourself and your life?

There are some of the many experiences of making decisions driven by an awakened voice within you and the conscious desire to evolve and transform ~ to live full on and unapologetically as your true self ~ even if at times, you may not know (just yet) where the path unfolding ~ will lead.

This episode is dedicated to each one of you as you begin the steps ~ a simple yet excitable idea that launches you towards sight unseen, what will become a future revelation of you ~ and at other times the giant and indeed scary leaps forward ~ towards the vision you have always held ~ your heart certain ~ all that you need to do is follow its urging towards something new and always in hopes of a brighter and more compelling life ~ that you are choosing.

 

Sending you great 💜 love...

 

Sharing the wisdom and beauty of divine love with you...

Namaste!

love, dorothy

 

If you have a question or if you would like my guidance or help, connect with me here:  dorothy@dorothyratusny.com

 

Find all Episodes of The WISDOM podcast here  

Love in your inbox?  Subscribe to my weekly WISDOM Notes here

Visit me on social media💜 :  Twitter   Instagram  Facebook

 

More Self-Love Right Here:

* Live Your Greatness [Podcast Episode Season 1 Episode 1]

* How Do I Become Whole?  [Podcast Episode S2 E56]

* Forgiveness IS F R E E D O M  [Podcast Episode S3 E35]

* Self-Love is 'Being Love'  [Podcast Episode S3 E29]

 

* The Ultimate Self-Love WISDOM toolkit

* Self-Love: A Meditation to Heal Your Life  [The Wisdom Archives]

* Work with Me [Life Coaching & Therapy]

 

A generous 'thank you' to Audio Engineer, P. Kirpikau  radioplato

Podcast Theme Music: 'Aura' from the Album, Illuvia by Eternell  www.eternell.net/album/illuvia

 

 

 

The Truth Sets You Free | ’ask dorothy’ | Q and A | The WISDOM podcast | S3 E42

The Truth Sets You Free | ’ask dorothy’ | Q and A | The WISDOM podcast | S3 E42

May 3, 2022

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The Truth Sets You Free

'ask dorothy'

The WISDOM podcast  Season 3  Episode 42

 

~ Truth will lead you out of darkness because it is in illuminating ‘what is’ that you then may in the very next moment, find your path again and into the light.  ~

 

💜

 

This episode picks up where we left on last in our discussion of the five Yamas – moral disciplines that are recorded in the ancient philosophical texts of the Yoga Sutras and here I dive into some ‘Q and A’ on the topic of truth.

 

Truthfulness or ‘Satya’ is the second yama or limb of the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali and this moral vow holds many secrets for how we can free ourselves from our suffering.

 

There are many ways that truth finds you. As much as some may avoid truth’s yearnings you can never avoid or deny its huge revelations.

 

I’m going to let you in on a huge secret to what will always bring joy into your life and for what will always reassure you – to live honourably – to feel supported in your decisions – and to always guide you along a right path.

 

Satya the Sanskrit word for truth is the definitive ground. It is what supports and upholds all of your faithful decisions. It is truth that compels you to seek change and to honour what you stand for and believe in.

 

Truth is how you create relations and connection and how you show yourself to be trustworthy and reliable. You need to know ‘what is’ true with accuracy and factual information in order to make the right and best decisions.

 

Truth is not always easy. It is not always what you want to hear or know especially if what is desired is something different. Let me say here that the truth will always be what you need to know.

 

You can work with truth. You can find your way to your right answers when you have the correct and accurate information.

 

Making a decision of any importance needs to rest upon knowing the truth.

 

 

Sending you great 💜 love...

 

Sharing the wisdom and beauty of divine love with you...

Namaste!

love, dorothy

 

If you have a question or if you would like my guidance or help, connect with me here:  dorothy@dorothyratusny.com

 

Find all Episodes of The WISDOM podcast here  

Love in your inbox?  Subscribe to my weekly WISDOM Notes here

Visit me on social media💜 :  Twitter   Instagram  Facebook

 

 

More WISDOM and Truth:

* APARIGRAHA ~ Non-Attachment  [Podcast S3 E47]  * The Yamas Series: 5/5

* BRAHMACHARYA ~ Non-Excess  [Podcast S3 E45]  * The Yamas Series: 4/5

* ASTEYA ~ Non-Stealing  [Podcast S3 E43]  * The Yamas Series: 3/5

* SATYA ~ Truthfulness  [Podcast S3 E41]  * The Yamas Series: 2/5

* AHIMSA ~ Nonviolence  [Podcast S3 E39]  * The Yamas Series: 1/5

 

* The Violence We Cause Others 'ask dorothy'  [Podcast Episode S3 E40]

The Path of Truth  [Podcast Episode S1 E1 Part 1/3]

* The Yamas & Niyamas: Exploring Yoga's Ethical Practice  [Book by Deborah Adele]

* How Do I Become Whole?  [Podcast Episode S2 E56]

* Forgiveness IS F R E E D O M  [Podcast Episode S3 E35]

* Self-Love is 'Being Love'  [Podcast Episode S3 E29]

* Live Your Greatness [Podcast Episode Season 1 Episode 1]

* The Ultimate Self-Love WISDOM toolkit

* Self-Love: A Meditation to Heal Your Life  [The Wisdom Archives]

* Work with Me [Life Coaching & Therapy]

 

A generous 'thank you' to Audio Engineer, P. Kirpikau  radioplato

Podcast Theme Music: 'Aura' from the Album, Illuvia by Eternell  www.eternell.net/album/illuvia

 

 

 

 

Self-Discipline Is Your Superpower  ’ask dorothy’ | The WISDOM podcast  | S3 E38

Self-Discipline Is Your Superpower ’ask dorothy’ | The WISDOM podcast | S3 E38

April 19, 2022

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'ask dorothy'

Self-Discipline Is Your Superpower | A Real Life Client Story

The WISDOM podcast  Season 3  Episode 38

- Self-discipline is you acting on your greater conscience to do the right thing – for yourself and in any situation. -

💜

 

 

I think of self-discipline as a superpower because it is precisely what brings the inertia into the present moment for you to take action. It is what stops the chatter of the mind and overrides the old scripts that you replay with new language, the determination that says quite instinctively, “I can do this” and “I am doing this.”

 

Self-discipline could be exactly what you are missing and what keeps you from living your life in the way that you deeply desire.

So to ask yourself:How self-disciplined am I?’ Be wholly honest with your answer. and ‘Where in my life do I need to be more self-disciplined and how?’ These make great journal prompts for you to better self-examine the areas of your life that need self-discipline.

 

Self-discipline is so important that it is the single identifying criteria as to whether you get things done and in a timely manner.

 

Self-discipline stops the procrastination effect and the relinquishing of responsibility and it is the solution if you’ve ever struggled with unproductive or self-sabotaging habits that limit your potential.

 

In this episode we take a deep dive into the mechanisms that you need to build self-discipline; including how to up level your self-discipline in a way that supercharges your decisions and the actions you take ~ to support you in all of the best practices that you will live.

 

And if you are a parent, this episode will be helpful as it reminds you of the importance of setting the right example because your children will see the incongruity between what you say and what you do. Your actions speak louder than your words. Your children will learn the habits that you hold including a lack of self-discipline.

 

Each Tuesday at 8pm EST, I take you on a journey - inside - what happens in a session of Life Coaching and Therapy in the 'ask dorothy' series as we answer the questions that honour your path and your life.

 

 

To help you up level your self-discipline, please let me help you live your truth.

 

*The name of my client and the names of her parents have been changed to maintain confidentiality.

 

Sending you great 💜 love...

 

Sharing the wisdom and beauty of divine love with you...

Namaste!

love, dorothy

 

If you have a question or if you would like my guidance or help, please reach out to me:  dorothy@dorothyratusny.com

 

Find all Episodes of The WISDOM podcast here  

Love in your inbox?  Subscribe to my weekly WISDOM Notes here

Visit me on social media💜 :  Twitter   Instagram  Facebook

 

 

More  Self-Discipline and  w i s d o m:

 

* Why You Need Self-Mastery  ['ask dorothy' Podcast Episode S3 E8]

* Self-Regulation IS Self-Mastery ['ask dorothy' Podcast Episode S2E63]

* The Power of Self-Honesty. How Honest Are You Willing To Be?  [Podcast Episode S3 E13]

*  The Intention You Bring to All You Do Is How You Live in Happiness  [Podcast Episode S2 E61]

*  How to Live As Love  [YouTube Video]

*  The Kindness Challenge [Read The WISDOM BLOG post here]

*  Live Your Greatness [Podcast Episode Season 1]

*  This Is A Self-Love Movement  [YouTube Video]

*  The Ultimate Self-Love WISDOM toolkit

*  Self-Love: A Meditation to Heal Your Life  [The Wisdom Archives]

*  Work with Me [Life Coaching & Therapy]

 

A generous 'thank you' to Audio Engineer, P. Kirpikau  radioplato

Podcast Theme Music: 'Aura' from the Album, Illuvia by Eternell  www.eternell.net/album/illuvia

 

 

 

 

 

Shedding The Inauthentic Self: An Experience Into Wholeness | The WISDOM podcast | S3 E37

Shedding The Inauthentic Self: An Experience Into Wholeness | The WISDOM podcast | S3 E37

April 17, 2022

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Shedding The Inauthentic Self

An Experience Into Wholeness

The WISDOM podcast  Season 3  Episode 37

 

~ The inauthentic parts of you are those parts that you are not happy with. ~

💜

 

Timestamps:

A Mantra:  0-1:56 |  Podcast Theme Intro:  1:57 |  The Inauthentic Parts Defined:  3:24 | How to Feel Whole and Complete:  5:41 | Reclaim All of Who You Truly Are ~ A Visualization Experience:  6:46 | Podcast Theme Outro:  23:14

 

This episode begins with a mantra to help you begin the energetic release of the aspects of you that you no longer wish to be ~ as you reclaim your wholeness with the behaviors, attitude, and beliefs that best represent your highest self.

Here we do some very cool shape-shifting towards living whole and of your authentic self.  

It’s time to break free from what aspects of yourself are inauthentic ~ that is ~ what has never served you.

 

We learn so much from the external world that does not serve who we truly are and all that we desire to be.

 

What traits, behaviours, mindset is not wholly kind and loving is also not authentic.

 

As humans we all experience moments when we are living out of our dark side ~ the inauthentic part of our self, largely ingrained with the ego’s need to be right, to be in competition with or better than another – and the desire to find approval and importance when really you already have everything you need to be monumental in your life ~ and true to your highest good.

 

“Release what you will no longer be – the antithesis of something is something better.”

 

Shedding the inauthentic self is releasing what is not wanted. This is replaced with a return to embracing what you truly are at your core. The new behaviours, mindset, thoughts, and actions all contribute to feeling whole and complete ~ as you are.

 

In releasing the cycles of your past, you are free to live whole ~ and true to yourself ~ all that is built upon what you are ~ that is pure goodness, grace, kindness, love, inspired to create and to thrive, and the ability to appreciate all of life’s beautiful moments in the present.

 

 

 

If you would like my help in your journey of living authentic, please reach out to me.  namaste! 🙏

 

Sending you great 💜 love...

 

Sharing the wisdom and beauty of divine love with you...

Namaste!

love, dorothy

 

If you have a question or if you would like my guidance or help, connect with me here:  dorothy@dorothyratusny.com

 

Find all Episodes of The WISDOM podcast here  

Love in your inbox?  Subscribe to my weekly WISDOM Notes here

Visit me on social media💜 :  Twitter   Instagram  Facebook

 

 

More Self-Authenticity...

* The Three Secrets of Manifesting  [Podcast Episode S1 E8]

* The Power of Self-Honesty: How Honest Are You Willing to Be?  [Podcast Episode S3 E13]

* How Do I Become Whole?  [Podcast Episode S2 E56]

* Forgiveness IS F R E E D O M  [Podcast Episode S3 E35]

* Self-Love is 'Being Love'  [Podcast Episode S3 E29]

* Live Your Greatness [Podcast Episode Season 1 Episode 1]

* The Ultimate Self-Love WISDOM toolkit

* Self-Love: A Meditation to Heal Your Life  [The Wisdom Archives]

* Work with Me [Life Coaching & Therapy]

 

A generous 'thank you' to Audio Engineer, P. Kirpikau  radioplato

Podcast Theme Music: 'Aura' from the Album, Illuvia by Eternell  www.eternell.net/album/illuvia

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is Your Path of Joy? | ’ask dorothy’ | A Real Life Client Story | The WISDOM podcast | S3 E36

What is Your Path of Joy? | ’ask dorothy’ | A Real Life Client Story | The WISDOM podcast | S3 E36

April 12, 2022

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'ask dorothy'

What is Your Path of Joy? | A Real Life Client Story

The WISDOM podcast  Season 3  Episode 36

The beauty of joy is that it acts as a road map for the expression of happiness and the inner fulfillment that honours your heart in light of your moment by moment choices. -

💜

 

Timestamps:

Podcast Theme Intro:  0-1:32 |  An Intro to this Episode and A Memory of 'Joy' of My Life:   | What is Your Path of Joy? Question For Your Contemplation:  2:53 | My Client Sarah*:  5:04 | Sarah's Path of Joy:  6:42 | How Joy is Experienced:  9:10 |  How Sarah Would Reclaim Her Path of Joy: 9:55 |  The One Protocol That Will Always Illuminates Your Path of Joy:  11:32 |  Podcast Theme Outro:  13:43

 

What is your path of joy? How is joy your inspiration; leading you on your journey through life? Where in your physical being do you feel joy? How does joy reveal itself to you?

 

anatomyofanepisode-400x43.png

For my client Sarah, joy became a desired longing and a precious gift the longer that she remained out of joy.

In our session, Sarah reminded herself of her path of joy – of how it felt as the energy of lightness and ease and of the happiness.

 

Joy is experienced in the simple and deliberate expressions of gratitude and abundance. Joy is always with you. It is easily accessible as you acknowledge its existence and as you hold a place in your heart for its infinite love in the present moment ~ and in your pure witnessing of it.

 

The beauty of joy is that it acts as a road map for the expression of happiness and the inner fulfillment that honours your heart in light of your moment by moment choices.

 

Sarah would need to be wholly honest with herself to reclaim her path of joy. You need to do the same. We all do. Joy is easily accessible. It is the acknowledgement of all that you are in appreciation of, and the kindness you hold in your thoughts and words for yourself and others.

 

Joy lived in Sarah’s expression of honesty and acknowledgement of what she needed to be happy.

 

Could you live in your expression of self-honesty? Could you follow what is truly your right path, moment by moment?

 

*My client’s name has been changed to maintain confidentiality.

 

Each Tuesday at 8pm EST, I take you on a journey - inside - what happens in a session of Life Coaching and Therapy in the 'ask dorothy' series as we answer the questions that honour your path and your life.

 

 

If you would like my help to find your path back to joy and authentic happiness, please reach out to me.

 

 

Sending you great 💜 love...

 

Sharing the wisdom and beauty of divine love with you...

Namaste!

love, dorothy

 

If you have a question or if you would like my guidance or help, please reach out to me:  dorothy@dorothyratusny.com

 

Find all Episodes of The WISDOM podcast here  

Love in your inbox?  Subscribe to my weekly WISDOM Notes here

Visit me on social media💜 :  Twitter   Instagram  Facebook

 

 

More  J  O Y  and  w i s d o m:

 

* The Experience of Joy: A Guided Meditation  [The Wisdom Archives]

* The Power of Self-Honesty. How Honest Are You Willing To Be?  [Podcast Episode S3 E13]

*  Peace Unto Me: A Meditation  [The Wisdom Archives]

*  The Intention You Bring to All You Do Is How You Live in Happiness  [Podcast Episode S2 E61]

*  How to Live As Love  [YouTube Video]

*  The Kindness Challenge [Read The WISDOM BLOG post here]

*  Live Your Greatness [Podcast Episode Season 1]

*  This Is A Self-Love Movement  [YouTube Video]

*  The Ultimate Self-Love WISDOM toolkit

*  Self-Love: A Meditation to Heal Your Life  [The Wisdom Archives]

*  Do You Let Love In? How to Feel Deserving of Love  [Podcast Episode]

*  Work with Me [Life Coaching & Therapy]

 

A generous 'thank you' to Audio Engineer, P. Kirpikau  radioplato

Podcast Theme Music: 'Aura' from the Album, Illuvia by Eternell  www.eternell.net/album/illuvia

 

 

 

 

Your ’Love Longevity List.’ The Three Secrets for Longevity in Your Love Relationship. | The WISDOM podcast | S3 E21

Your ’Love Longevity List.’ The Three Secrets for Longevity in Your Love Relationship. | The WISDOM podcast | S3 E21

February 13, 2022

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Your ’Love Longevity List.’  The Three Secrets for Longevity in Your Love Relationship.

The WISDOM podcast  Season 3  Episode 21

 

 

~The longevity of your love relationship depends on this. ~

 

In the world of dating, it’s natural to want to show up when you meet someone for the first time; to show them your best self.

 

It’s a deeply ingrained part of our human condition. The desire for validation and approval are among the strongest motivating forces. Feeling approved of and loved contributes to feeling confident and worthy.

Naturally we look to our love relationship as a main source of validation and worth. It’s one place but certainly not the only.

 

My hope is that you will realize the importance of developing the relationship with hold with yourself first - and to continue to dedicate energy and attention to the one person that needs to love you the most.

 

In this episode I share what you can do to exist as authentic and true - first to yourself; and to enlist each of these three longevity secrets to ensure happiness, great love, and the confidence in knowing that you have chosen well in a partner.  

 

Join me here to shift your perspective in how you look for a partner and love.

 

Sending you great 💜 love...

 

Sharing the wisdom and beauty of divine love with you...

Namaste!

love, dorothy

 

If you have a question or if you would like my guidance or help, please reach out to me:  dorothy@dorothyratusny.com

 

Find all Episodes of The WISDOM podcast here  

Love in your inbox?  Subscribe to my weekly WISDOM Notes here

Visit me on social media💜 :  Twitter   Instagram  Facebook

 

 

More great l o v e:

* How to Live As Love  [YouTube Video]

* This is Authentic Happiness [The WISDOM BLOG  An  a u d i o  original]

* Live Your Greatness [Podcast Episode Season 1]

* This Is A Self-Love Movement  [YouTube Video]

* The Ultimate Self-Love WISDOM toolkit

* Self-Love: A Meditation to Heal Your Life  [The Wisdom Archives]

* The 10 Sacred Habits of Meditation  [Audio Course]

* The Sacred Practice of Meditation  ['live' Workshop]

* Work with Me [Life Coaching & Therapy]

 

A generous 'thank you' to Audio Engineer, P. Kirpikau  radioplato

Podcast Theme Music: 'Aura' from the Album, Illuvia by Eternell  www.eternell.net/album/illuvia

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Power of Honesty in Your Love Relationship: One Couple’s True Story  |  The WISDOM podcast | Season 1 Episode 5

The Power of Honesty in Your Love Relationship: One Couple’s True Story | The WISDOM podcast | Season 1 Episode 5

October 27, 2019

"The Power of Honesty in Your Love Relationship: One Couple's True Story" with Dorothy Ratusny

the Wisdom Podcast  Season 1  Episode 5

TIMESTAMPS:

Podcast Intro:  0-1:32  |  Introducing the Story of Michael and Tara:  1:37 |  How Therapy Helps to Heal the Past and Present:  7:46  |  Your Awakening Moment:  9:17  |  How We Teach Others How to Treat Us:  10:20  |  The Rest of 'Their Story' - Michael and Tara:  11:26  |  What Honesty Gives You:  13:42   |  Advice for Offering Feedback to a Loved One:  14:22

In this episode we discover how Michael and Tara were able to acknowledge how what they were living was inauthentic, and how facing their personal inner truth would set them free to find new love; and to choose this based on what was right and best for each of them.

 

My client Michael* diverted his eyes, gazing down, visibly recoiling into himself; as if he was trying to make himself invisible.  He was unable to make eye contact for several moments.  Tears came to his eyes and he could not keep up with wiping them as more tears, ran down his cheeks.

It can be difficult for us to admit our mistakes, our vulnerabilities - and ultimately what we do that hurts those we love.  Perhaps for some this is a learned behaviour; a subconscious but real fear that originated in childhood, where admitting fault would lend itself to being scolded, perhaps humiliated, and punished.  If we are not self aware, then yes, we may not realize how our actions and words affect and hurt another.  Or perhaps, as Michael revealed of his own behaviour, we often do realize when we have potentially said or done something that is hurtful, but avoid acknowledging and admitting this in the idealized hope that we are mistaken, or that we can avoid what would cause us to feel badly about our self.

Why do we have a difficult time acknowledging when we have done something that is not a true portrayal of the goodness that we are indeed capable of?

To acknowledge your mistakes is to have the immediate opportunity to 'right' them.

Michael had sought my help to save his marriage.  It was weeks earlier that his wife Tara* had said that she wanted to separate.  Michael was devastated.  He was now desperate to do whatever he could to repair this relationship.  Only later would I discover that perhaps Michael, wasn't at all surprised by Tara's decision.

It was difficult at first for Michael to admit outwardly the words and actions that had hurt his wife so deeply over the cumulative two decades that they had been 'in relationship'.  It wasn't until Tara attended a session of therapy on her own with myself, that she was able to explain how she came to make the difficult decision to end the marriage; how she tried to rekindle the feelings of love, that she once felt for Michael despite his cutting sarcasm, his finger pointing and blame, his disrespectful words and a lack of loving actions that had been the catalyst for how her feelings changed towards her husband.  Holding in the hurt and the many 'let downs' that Tara continued to experience in the marriage, meant an inevitable sadness and despair that grew into intolerance, disinterest, and dislike.

Upon leaving her first therapy session with me, Tara went to speak with Michael.  She later described how empowering it was to have 'found her voice' and the courage to speak her truth.  Tara shared with Michael many examples of how he had been hurtful over the years, and explained why she had stopped talking about her feelings and what bothered her.  Tara learned to hold back from expressing her sadness and hurt since (as she explained), it was repeatedly reciprocated with Michael's denial and hostility.

 

"We can be in a love relationship and yet this doesn't mean that we are skilled at it.  A relationship requires ongoing attention, effort, and the willingness to give of yourself in honesty and loving kindness.  A love relationship will also inspire personal growth and the desire to become a better version of yourself.  This is a calling that you must attend to."  - dorothy ratusny

It was largely Tara's words spoken with complete openness and honesty that Michael came to realize that he allowed his ego to get in the way of being honest, kind, and vulnerable with the one person that had loved him unconditionally.  Back in my office after that pivotal meeting with his wife, Michael admitted with remorse that he was finally ready to acknowledge the pattern of behaviour that reflected a lack of kindness, respect and love.  As much as he had glimpses of the disrespectful and abusive way in which he conducted himself, Michael would still attempt to dismiss his behaviour, justifying his actions and unwilling to see himself as he was; with honesty and clarity.

My client's life was an example of how we treat others based on the way in which we are with our self, the end result of what we have been taught in our family of origin and our inability or unwillingness to be self-honest and to seek to make personal changes.

As an adult, we can no longer blame our childhood or any earlier life experience as an excuse for how we treat others.  The work of therapy is to heal the past including how we were taught to think of and treat our self and others.  As we choose to adopt healthy and respectful ways of being and to treat others with kindness and consideration, we build self-worth and reclaim a feeling of wholeness; and pride in our ability to be loving kindness.  As we practice kindness directed inward; as we find the good in our self to dwell upon and feel positive about, it becomes easier to be this with others; and to treat others perhaps not the way that we were treated, but the way in which we should have been treated. 

I help clients to fix or change a problematic situation; often this is the result of how they are not able (or at times willing) to act with compassion and love; and ultimately to correct the behaviours that cause much suffering unto themselves.  This change begins with awareness of the impact of one's words and actions onto their self, and others.  When you awaken, you see your self with honesty and accuracy.  Awakening highlights what thoughts or actions have contributed to your suffering.  Being self-aware allows you to choose how you will be different; and what is needed in order to have better relationships, to improve your current life circumstances, and ultimately how you think and feel towards your self, others, and the world.

 

"In therapy, together we conduct what becomes a personal discovery in order to achieve awareness; to shed light on a situation and your self, and to see everything with a clear and accurate perspective, so that you can begin to draw insights into how you are living your life that reveals just how you are causing your own suffering (and often, the suffering of others)."  - dorothy ratusny

 

We teach others how to treat us by how we respond to their words and actions.  If you want to build a solid relationship of open, honest communication then you must also be willing to listen to the other person tell you when you have done something that has hurt them; even when you do not "intend" to hurt someone or think that your actions were "wrong".  By taking account of what someone is telling you, and being willing to look at your self, you learn so much.  You begin to see your self with different eyes.  You become attentive to the actions and words that were once an automatic response.  This is another important way that you learn about your self; through the eyes of loved ones who you can trust to be truthful and willing to speak openly with you, but only as you take heed of their feedback, and as you are willing to examine what is being told to you.

For Michael and Tara, their relationship was broken beyond repair.  Tara, despite her efforts to rekindle love, admitted that she felt indifferent at best towards her husband.  What was helpful through this process of discovery and truth seeking, was that both Michael and Tara were now able to dialogue in an honest and open way; their conversations now pertaining to their roles as parents and how they would physically prepare to separate. 

Michael revealed that perhaps for the first time in this or any relationship, he experienced a growing ease as he made an effort to communicate and to share his feelings and thoughts in kind ways rather than blaming others for how he felt, or for what was happening in his life.  Michael would still find himself feeling anger and the undertones of aggression, but acknowledging (first to himself) how he felt, helped bring greater awareness to the situation and to what his actions needed to be.  Expressing his true feelings was helpful for Michael.  Practising self-honesty was healing; his awareness of his feelings helped him to take ownership of what he would do to help himself feel better rather than continue to take his frustrations out in blame on others.

 

Tara was also challenged to continue being self-honest.  Her feelings of disappointment, sadness, as well as annoyance and anger were all too often bottled up.  She now felt empowered to speak her thoughts and feelings with Michael and others; to use her voice, and to validate rather than deny or diminish her feelings.  Tara would remind herself that speaking her truth within a future healthy love relationship would be received respectfully and with positive attention.

"Honesty curates relief and the absence of suffering." - dorothy

Honesty serves as a foundation for mutual trust with the person that you've chosen to be in relationship with, and to nourish the experience of being able to feel heard and understood as your partner honours your truth.  Honesty does not preclude having disagreements but it does set the tone for a respectful exchange of truthful ideas and thoughts that serve to deepen one's knowledge about the other.

 

A note for offering feedback to a loved one...

Please remember to be gentle, compassionate, and kind.  You can convey how you are feeling, including how you have been hurt, by using words that are respectful and considerate.  "I feel...." and "I am feeling...." are examples of how to express with honesty your feelings without pointing blame at another.  Often it is in sharing how we feel and think that misunderstandings and incorrect perceptions can be corrected with ease and heartfelt communication.  It is in this way that both members of a couple relationship can learn from one another while maintaining a respectful and healthy line of communication.

*All names have been changed to maintain the confidentiality of clients.  Additional details or circumstances may have been altered in order to ensure the utmost privacy.


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Sharing the wisdom and beauty of divine love with you...

Namaste!

love, dorothy

 

Podcast Theme Music: 'Aura' from the Album, Illuvia by Eternell  www.eternell.net/album/illuvia

Accompanying Music: Eternell, 'Kalimba'

A generous 'thank you' to Audio Engineer, P. Kirpikau for your excellent work!

 

 

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