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Truth Serum, A-ha Moments, Practical & Spiritual Wisdom for Life, Love and Self-Realization.
Episodes
Wednesday Jul 05, 2023
Wednesday Jul 05, 2023
When Is It Really Love?
The WISDOM podcast Season 4 Episode 7
The seventh of eight episodes in a series on 'The Power of Love'.
"Love is grace. Love is kindness and the actions of love are felt deeply at the soul level ~ even when at times one is giving more than receiving."
~ dorothy zennuriye juno
💜
:: episode time stamps ::
Podcast Theme Intro ~ 0-1:36 | Your Intentions + A Spiritual Definition of Love ~ 1:39 | An Example of What Pure Unconditional Love Feels Like ~ 5:56 | An Experiential Practice of Feeling Loved ~11:00 | Practice Giving Love to Feel Love ~17:04 | Podcast Theme Outro ~ 19:50
Why is this question so important?
How do you know when it is love?
What else could it be?
I share spiritual scripture I have written to remind us of the power of love that lives within each one of us. 🙏💜
...and a story here from my childhood and one not of romantic love to describe the feeling that we experience early in life of the feeling of being loved.
You see, we learn what love feels like long before we put words to it and long before we look for and find romantic love.
It is always a feeling first. As you recognize this you begin to know the feeling of love when it is real and when it is another language – a language of deception, lust, greed, selfishness, manipulation.
It isn’t always necessary to identify what the other feeling is as long as you recognize when it is not love.
Begin to notice when the feeling of love ~ is presence or absent. It will be visibly, tangibly noticeable ~ just like it was for me that day in the reactions of both uncle and grandfather ~ because love is the most beautiful energy in the world.
As you name this feeling ~ as you know what love feels like within your being, then you know when someone is being loving towards you and when it is not love.
Please also listen to these related Episodes in our Series on The Power of Love!
The Healing Power of Romantic Love [S4 E1]
What Love Teaches You [S4 E2]
How to Heal After a Relationship Ends [S4 E3]
Healing IS Love [S4 E4]
Can Love Last Forever? [ S4 E5]
+ The Power of Love 30-day Challenge (Habit Tracker)
Work with Me + Transformational Coaching
* JUNO 💜
Love-Heal-Transform
Meditation ~ Mental Health ~ Spirituality ~ Self-Care
*As a special 'podcast listener' use this link for $5 off your first month of JUNO Premium!
Promo Code: WISDOMPODCAST
~ Journey with me! Subscribe to the podcast and enjoy each episode as they are released twice weekly + write a review and share the love (share this episode with someone you love! 💟👌) ~ namaste 🙏
Live Session Info:
I host free weekly 'live sessions.' Please check them out and join me!
Find my Guided Meditations and more ~ here:
Please reach out to me if you would like to work together...
Life Coaching/Life Mapping/Therapy
Transformational Coaching Program
A generous 'thank you' to Audio Engineer, P. Kirpikau radioplato
Podcast Theme Music: 'Aura' from the Album, Illuvia by Eternell www.eternell.net/album/illuvia
Tuesday Apr 12, 2022
Tuesday Apr 12, 2022
'ask dorothy'
What is Your Path of Joy? | A Real Life Client Story
The WISDOM podcast Season 3 Episode 36
- The beauty of joy is that it acts as a road map for the expression of happiness and the inner fulfillment that honours your heart in light of your moment by moment choices. -
💜
Timestamps:
Podcast Theme Intro: 0-1:32 | An Intro to this Episode and A Memory of 'Joy' of My Life: | What is Your Path of Joy? Question For Your Contemplation: 2:53 | My Client Sarah*: 5:04 | Sarah's Path of Joy: 6:42 | How Joy is Experienced: 9:10 | How Sarah Would Reclaim Her Path of Joy: 9:55 | The One Protocol That Will Always Illuminates Your Path of Joy: 11:32 | Podcast Theme Outro: 13:43
What is your path of joy? How is joy your inspiration; leading you on your journey through life? Where in your physical being do you feel joy? How does joy reveal itself to you?
For my client Sarah, joy became a desired longing and a precious gift the longer that she remained out of joy.
In our session, Sarah reminded herself of her path of joy – of how it felt as the energy of lightness and ease and of the happiness.
Joy is experienced in the simple and deliberate expressions of gratitude and abundance. Joy is always with you. It is easily accessible as you acknowledge its existence and as you hold a place in your heart for its infinite love in the present moment ~ and in your pure witnessing of it.
The beauty of joy is that it acts as a road map for the expression of happiness and the inner fulfillment that honours your heart in light of your moment by moment choices.
Sarah would need to be wholly honest with herself to reclaim her path of joy. You need to do the same. We all do. Joy is easily accessible. It is the acknowledgement of all that you are in appreciation of, and the kindness you hold in your thoughts and words for yourself and others.
Joy lived in Sarah’s expression of honesty and acknowledgement of what she needed to be happy.
Could you live in your expression of self-honesty? Could you follow what is truly your right path, moment by moment?
*My client’s name has been changed to maintain confidentiality.
Each Tuesday at 8pm EST, I take you on a journey - inside - what happens in a session of Life Coaching and Therapy in the 'ask dorothy' series as we answer the questions that honour your path and your life.
If you would like my help to find your path back to joy and authentic happiness, please reach out to me.
Sending you great 💜 love...
Sharing the wisdom and beauty of divine love with you...
Namaste!
If you have a question or if you would like my guidance or help, please reach out to me: dorothy@dorothyratusny.com
Find all Episodes of The WISDOM podcast here
Love in your inbox? Subscribe to my weekly WISDOM Notes here
Visit me on social media💜 : Twitter Instagram Facebook
More J O Y and w i s d o m:
* The Experience of Joy: A Guided Meditation [The Wisdom Archives]
* The Power of Self-Honesty. How Honest Are You Willing To Be? [Podcast Episode S3 E13]
* Peace Unto Me: A Meditation [The Wisdom Archives]
* The Intention You Bring to All You Do Is How You Live in Happiness [Podcast Episode S2 E61]
* How to Live As Love [YouTube Video]
* The Kindness Challenge [Read The WISDOM BLOG post here]
* Live Your Greatness [Podcast Episode Season 1]
* This Is A Self-Love Movement [YouTube Video]
* The Ultimate Self-Love WISDOM toolkit
* Self-Love: A Meditation to Heal Your Life [The Wisdom Archives]
* Do You Let Love In? How to Feel Deserving of Love [Podcast Episode]
* Work with Me [Life Coaching & Therapy]
A generous 'thank you' to Audio Engineer, P. Kirpikau radioplato
Podcast Theme Music: 'Aura' from the Album, Illuvia by Eternell www.eternell.net/album/illuvia
Sunday Feb 13, 2022
Sunday Feb 13, 2022
Your ’Love Longevity List.’ The Three Secrets for Longevity in Your Love Relationship.
The WISDOM podcast Season 3 Episode 21
~The longevity of your love relationship depends on this. ~
In the world of dating, it’s natural to want to show up when you meet someone for the first time; to show them your best self.
It’s a deeply ingrained part of our human condition. The desire for validation and approval are among the strongest motivating forces. Feeling approved of and loved contributes to feeling confident and worthy.
Naturally we look to our love relationship as a main source of validation and worth. It’s one place but certainly not the only.
My hope is that you will realize the importance of developing the relationship with hold with yourself first - and to continue to dedicate energy and attention to the one person that needs to love you the most.
In this episode I share what you can do to exist as authentic and true - first to yourself; and to enlist each of these three longevity secrets to ensure happiness, great love, and the confidence in knowing that you have chosen well in a partner.
Join me here to shift your perspective in how you look for a partner and love.
Sending you great 💜 love...
Sharing the wisdom and beauty of divine love with you...
Namaste!
If you have a question or if you would like my guidance or help, please reach out to me: dorothy@dorothyratusny.com
Find all Episodes of The WISDOM podcast here
Love in your inbox? Subscribe to my weekly WISDOM Notes here
Visit me on social media💜 : Twitter Instagram Facebook
More great l o v e:
* How to Live As Love [YouTube Video]
* This is Authentic Happiness [The WISDOM BLOG An a u d i o original]
* Live Your Greatness [Podcast Episode Season 1]
* This Is A Self-Love Movement [YouTube Video]
* The Ultimate Self-Love WISDOM toolkit
* Self-Love: A Meditation to Heal Your Life [The Wisdom Archives]
* The 10 Sacred Habits of Meditation [Audio Course]
* The Sacred Practice of Meditation ['live' Workshop]
* Work with Me [Life Coaching & Therapy]
A generous 'thank you' to Audio Engineer, P. Kirpikau radioplato
Podcast Theme Music: 'Aura' from the Album, Illuvia by Eternell www.eternell.net/album/illuvia
Tuesday Dec 28, 2021
Tuesday Dec 28, 2021
'ask dorothy'
The Snow Globe Effect: Transformation and Change | A Real Life Client Story
The WISDOM podcast Season 3 Episode 9
- A special episode for anyone who has faced the ending of a love relationship -
If you are listening because you have recently gone through a life change that was or was not decided by you; it can easily be overwhelming. It can cause you to question your life and what choices you have made and whether you need to rethink everything.
Change is being imposed upon us all of the time. Our lives become more abundant through the change sought through desire, growth, opportunity, new thoughts, and actions. Some change when we label it as: bad, unjust, wrong, only makes it more difficult to accept and navigate as a life experience that is causing us to break open; to think and feel and live beyond what we have - until now.
Therein is the snow globe effect - our world as we know it – shaken upside down for a time; not forever. Then as we watch in anticipation and wonder, we see the snow fall; filling all of the space inside the snow globe, delighting us in the magic of what we are witness to; creating a beautiful scene with nothing more than the simple action of movement; of changing the form of what already is -to reveal so much beauty.
In this episode I share the story of my clients Harold and Delia; and how heartfelt desire and self-honesty is necessary for the change that becomes our personal transformation. Join me!
Each Tuesday at 8pm EST, I take you on a journey - inside - what happens in a session of Life Coaching and Therapy in the 'ask dorothy' series as we answer the questions that honour your path and your life.
If you have a question or if you would like my guidance or help, please reach out to me: dorothy@dorothyratusny.com
Find all Episodes of The WISDOM podcast here:
Love in your inbox? Subscribe to my weekly WISDOM Notes here:
Sending you great 💜 love...
Sharing the wisdom and beauty of divine love with you...
Namaste!
If you have a question or if you would like my guidance or help, please reach out to me: dorothy@dorothyratusny.com
Find all Episodes of The WISDOM podcast here
Love in your inbox? Subscribe to my weekly WISDOM Notes here
Visit me on social media💜 : Twitter Instagram Facebook
More Personal Transformation and Love right here:
* The Kindness Challenge [Read The WISDOM BLOG post here]
* Live Your Greatness [Podcast Episode Season 1]
* This Is A Self-Love Movement [YouTube Video]
* The Ultimate Self-Love WISDOM toolkit
* Self-Love: A Meditation to Heal Your Life [The Wisdom Archives]
* Do You Let Love In? How to Feel Deserving of Love [Podcast Episode]
* Work with Me [Life Coaching & Therapy]
A generous 'thank you' to Audio Engineer, P. Kirpikau radioplato
Podcast Theme Music: 'Aura' from the Album, Illuvia by Eternell www.eternell.net/album/illuvia
Tuesday Jun 01, 2021
Tuesday Jun 01, 2021
'ask dorothy'
How Long Have You Waited For Love?| A Real Life Client Story
The WISDOM podcast S2 E77
For so many clients it is in that very first session that we chart a course for the journey deep within; a journey that is often overdue; a journey that will help free clients from what hurts and trauma have caused them to doubt in their ability to feel whole and of peace; a journey that safely guides them into healing, love, acceptance and approval for what was not given freely and without conditions ~ and of which they (sometimes unknowingly), are now ready to give to themselves.
How Long Have You Waited For Love?
We are beginning to understand that love must be willingly given to our self ~ that we cannot thrive in the absence of it and we do not need to wait for someone to love us to feel loved.
Love as a feeling and a state of being that is experienced out of living in self-love.
Each one of us is equipped to love and to give love ceaselessly. We are all hard wired for this ~ to love yourself and to love others and to do this as the love of one human being to another.
It may be that we need to practice self-love ~ to first learn it and to be reminded of the ways that we already do this.
The experience of love directed inward is how we reclaim our power and our wholeness.
To direct love inward through words and actions of loving-kindness is how we walk the planet in perfect oneness; feeling attuned with our ability to feel loved.
Here I share the story of my client Sara* and her partner Dana* and the many self-sacrifices that Sara made in order to keep the relationship even as it became strife and emotional turmoil ~ in tact.
*The names here have been changed to maintain confidentiality. My client’s story is real.
Sending you great 💜love...
Sharing the wisdom and beauty of divine love with you...
Namaste!
If you have a question or if you would like my guidance or help, please reach out to me: dorothy@dorothyratusny.com
Find all Episodes of The WISDOM podcast here
Love in your inbox? Subscribe to my weekly WISDOM Notes here
Visit me on social media💜 : Twitter Instagram
More Resources and Love:
* This Is A Self-Love Movement [YouTube Video]
* The Ultimate Self-Love WISDOM toolkit
* Self-Love: A Meditation to Heal Your Life [The Wisdom Archives]
* Do You Let Love In? How to Feel Deserving of Love [Podcast Episode]
A generous 'thank you' to Audio Engineer, P. Kirpikau radioplato
Podcast Theme Music: 'Aura' from the Album, Illuvia by Eternell www.eternell.net/album/illuvia
Accompanying Music: Eternell - Autumn Sky - 'Elevation' + Purl - Stillpoint - 'Melora'
Tuesday May 11, 2021
Tuesday May 11, 2021
'ask dorothy'
How PTSD Happens| A Real Life Client Story
The WISDOM podcast Season 2 Episode 71
Here I share the story of a client: of whom I continue to work with at the time of writing this. Her name has been changed to protect her identity; her story is real.
Carol – a 26yr old female living and working in North America never knew that the physical, verbal and emotional abuse she sustained in a 3-yr relationship with a boy she met whilst still living in her homeland of China would be the reason for why she has been suffering with PTSD or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Let me define first what this is because if you are listening; if you or someone you know has experienced exposure to trauma you – or they – may also be experiencing the ongoing symptoms of this mental health condition that often goes undiagnosed; the focus may instead be on one or some of its symptoms without truly understanding the magnitude of the impact of this disorder beyond the abuse itself.
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition in which people experience a variety of symptoms following exposure to a traumatic event. These may include flashbacks, nightmares, intrusive thoughts, anxiety, avoidance, and changes in mood and thinking. Symptoms may include re-experiencing the traumatic event, avoiding reminders of the trauma, startling easily, and having negative thoughts and beliefs.
Not every abusive relationship will traumatize someone to the point where they are exhibiting symptoms of PTSD, but it is possible. If you or someone you know has experienced prolonged abuse of any form; whether a witness to this or directly, and perpetrated by someone that was supposed to love and respect you, it is worthwhile to complete a screening tool or checklist for PTSD.
I invite you to use the link that I will place in the description for both an online post-traumatic stress disorder screening tool and a self-assessment tool that can help make sense of why you may be feeling the way you do. I will also leave resources for treatment so that you can begin to help yourself.
Resources
* Depression in COVID-19 Times: 'Take the Test' + The 12 Best Natural Solutions to Heal Yourself [Podcast Episode]
* A Time of Rebirth And Awakening: of Love, of Humanity, and the Earth [Podcast Episode]
* Online Screening Tool for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
* Assessment Tool for PTSD (online)
* The School of WISDOM [Online Courses, Workshops, Trainings]
* The Wisdom Archives [Meditation Library]
Sharing the wisdom and beauty of divine love with you...
Namaste!
If you have a question or if you would like my guidance or help, please reach out to me: dorothy@dorothyratusny.com
Find all Episodes of The WISDOM podcast here
Love in your inbox? Subscribe to my weekly WISDOM Notes here
Visit me on social media💜 : Twitter Instagram
A generous 'thank you' to Audio Engineer, P. Kirpikau radioplato
Podcast Theme Music: 'Aura' from the Album, Illuvia by Eternellwww.eternell.net/album/illuvia
Accompanying Music: Eternell, 'Kindness of a Cloud'
Sunday Nov 10, 2019
Sunday Nov 10, 2019
"Rebuild Your Confidence After the End of A Love Relationship"
the Wisdom Podcast Season 1 Episode 7
TIMESTAMPS:
Podcast Intro: 0-2:12 | Welcome From Dorothy And the Stories Of My Clients: 2:14 | The Story of 'Adele' and the Building of Lasting Confidence: 5:22 | When a Love Relationship Ends Despite Our Will... 8:14 | Your Sense of Self: 9:45 | To Experience Greater Self-Confidence: 11:00 | How Well Formed is Your Sense of Self? 3 Questions to Ask Yourself: 12:40 | If Your Confidence Feels Shaken After a Breakup... 14:07 | How Adele Rebuilt Her Confidence and Challenged Her Untrue Core Beliefs: 18:05
If you feel unhappy, unworthy, undesirable or confused; if you are uncertain about the future as you are grieving the end of a relationship, this episode is for you.
TRUTH SERUM: Examining your life path and the origin of your core beliefs.
Re-writing the narrative.
A-HA MOMENTS: Realizing and rewriting self-limiting core beliefs.
Deepening your knowledge and confidence in who you are and that you are more than enough.
PRACTICAL WISDOM: Accepting what you cannot change and changing what you can to become stronger, happier and more confident. Become a stronger more confident version of yourself.
REAL CLIENT STORIES:
Love after loss, the 7 year itch, an Australian adventure and re-writing the narrative of those nagging core beliefs.
Courtney was restless, He wasn’t going to change his mind.
Jacob was widowed and had two young children.
Adele was excited, but cautious.
This is a story about choosing happiness and defying the stereotypes, about love, loss, uncertainty and travelling across the world to find self-love.
My client Adele* had been in a serious relationship with Jacob* for eight months. Jacob was widowed and had two young children. When they first began to date, Adele was excited, but cautious. Her previous long term relationship ended abruptly after seven years. Her then fiance Courtney* expressed to her one day that he hadn't been happy for some time; that he had been thinking about the rest of his life and the many experiences that he still wanted to have before settling down and having a family. Adele intuitively felt as though there was more that Courtney wasn't telling her, but in the end, after several months of holding hope that they would get back together, Adele realized that Courtney wasn't going to change his mind; that he was having fun being single and living his life on his terms; and that she needed to move on. After a prolonged time of intense grieving and the lingering confusion of not really knowing if there was something more; something that she may have done to cause this, Adele decided that a change of scenery would be a good thing for her, and so she left her job to travel for a year in Australia.
When a love relationship ends; and if the revelation is that our partner no longer wishes to be with us; it often becomes a personal blow to our sense of self. We internalize the ending of a relationship as a loss, as perhaps something that was our fault; and we are often left with unresolved feelings of confusion, disbelief, and sadness.
A relationship ending can cause you to doubt your ability to believe that you are desirable and worthy. It also has the potential of highlighting your insecurities and self-doubt. This may cause you to examine what aspects of your self you may lack confidence in. Therein begins your work - to deepen your knowledge and confidence in who you are and to know that you are more than enough.
Adele blamed herself for Courtney's decision to end the relationship and questioned what she could have done or said that may have caused this. When a love relationship ends despite our will, we might find ourselves deeply shaken; our confidence in our self and in feeling 'good enough' and 'desirable' may be damaged for a time or indefinitely - and we may find ourselves wondering if we will ever "find" someone again to love us (and would this next love last?)
A relationship can provide us with merit and the stability that allows us to feel approval, desirable, and loved; and yet it can also be a distraction from doing the work of loving and accepting our self as who we are; and as separate and unique from our identify as part of a couple.
For many, sense of self is enmeshed with job title, accomplishments and success, socioeconomic status; and quite often the success of our partner and the accomplishments of our children. It's only when you identify with who you are as separate from the many roles and responsibilities that you have, and from your relationships and affiliations with others, that you can truly own and internalize your self-worth and to know your authentic self.
For Adele and so many like her who experience a blow to their confidence and their feelings of desirability at the time of a breakup; this would suggest that there is some unfinished work towards developing a healthy and autonomous sense of self.
Starting a new relationship doesn't solve the quest of feeling confident and self assured. Taking the time while you are newly single to develop a better relationship with yourself; to learn about who you are at this time and place in your life; to experience greater self-confidence, and to feel desirable and good enough for yourself - by your healthy standards, means that when you are ready to step into the next relationship, you will be certain of what you want and what you are not willing to settle for.
Your relationship should never define how you feel about yourself or if you are good enough.
A few months into her travels abroad, Adele met Jacob. It wasn't long before they began dating exclusively and were in love. When Adele's travel visa expired and she was required to return home, she became overwhelmed with feelings of insecurity, self-doubt and fear. She had convinced herself that Jacob would forget about her and move on to someone new since now their relationship would be one of distance, and for an indefinite period of time until she could acquire a new visa.
Throughout life, we are given replete opportunities to face our insecurities and fears. We can choose to face these with a deep breath, guided by our inner knowing and our deepest desires of how we want to be; and embrace the challenges before us, knowing that to do so means that we will have a different outcome simply by our choice to react; to go after what we want rather than convince our self that we are not capable.
To help us with this, it is important, in fact its critical - that we do the inner work of growing our confidence; of building our sense of self; of being self-assured in who we are. Without self-confidence, we will continue to rely on others to help us feel better about our self, to validate that we are good enough and deserving rather than relying on our own belief and the self-knowledge that we are indeed more than enough, deserving, and worthy.
Your sense of self is built upon the practice of knowing yourself well and being willing to live true to who you are; it means relying on your feelings of confidence and self-esteem; of being independent and autonomous; able to take care of your needs; and to take the necessary steps to overcome whatever setbacks or loss you might experience with dignity and self-reassurance. Having a healthy sense of self means that you choose your forward movement along a path that you desire; with positive feelings and inertia, and to never give up on your self.
If you rely on others for external feedback to remind you that you are desirable and good enough, then you will be vulnerable and dependant on a source outside of yourself; a source that you can never fully expect to provide you with accolades, encouragement, and love in the ways or distinct timing that you would need it. Rather than rely on another person or a love relationship for your positive feelings of self-worth, ask yourself the following reflective questions as a way of determining how much confidence and esteem you hold that is based on your belief of who you are rather than on how others see or value you:
Click to Download an Introspective Worksheet
How well formed is your sense of self?
- What are the qualities that I value most about myself? (e.g. attributes, personality traits, my strengths, what I believe in, etc)
- What causes me to feel less desirable or unworthy?
- What can I do for myself in these situations (or moments) to acknowledge my worthiness and value; and to uphold my confidence and self-worth?
These questions are definitely worth the investment of time that you give them. Once you have your answers, keep them close at hand to remind you that your confidence and worth originate within you.
If your confidence feels shaken after the ending of a love relationship, rather than jump immediately back into the dating world, even though you may think that doing so can help boost your confidence; remember that this very action is an example of looking externally for validation. To begin a new relationship before you build confidence in yourself keeps you feeling vulnerable and overly sensitive to what others say and do; and it sets you up for feeling judged or rejected if your new partner does not provide you with what you are in search of; which is ultimately approval, acceptance, and love.
Instead take this time whilst being single to look with honesty at where you feel a lack of confidence; and make it a priority to know yourself better; to ask the important questions (such as the ones I mentioned earlier and others) that will help you look within for building your confidence and sense of self, and to ultimately know yourself best in order to give yourself what you need, rather than rely on others for this.
"When you are newly single after a breakup, it is one of the best times to reexamine your path in life and what you truly want; to become self-focused rather than looking at others for what you think you should be doing and having. To know your self is to deepen your understanding and knowledge of who you are and what is most important to you. This is how you become a stronger, more confident version of your self." - dorothy ratusny
When you make yourself a priority and invest quality time in your own company, you come to know your self better. When you rely on yourself and your abilities, you feel a sense of accomplishment and successful. In doing what allows you to feel authentic happiness, you realize that you are the source of your happiness; that others may contribute to the quality of your life but that it is up to you to feel happiness from within. Your positive feelings about yourself are felt from the experiences of revelling in (and owning) your personal accomplishments and successes.
*If you would like to practice curating more happiness, watch: The 5 Best Ways to Curate Innate Happiness!
Adopt an outlook of seeing setbacks, disappointment or rejection as an opportunity for becoming more, and for examining what you need to change and improve upon (and not for anyone else - but yourself). This allows your perspective of life to be one of optimism and of allowing rather than resisting what happens 'to you'; and to revel in life's moments; to reveal ways that can help you to become more confident and self assured. [You can always assess what doesn't go your way, and to consider whether you need to take a different path to attain your goals, or if perhaps what you want is something different.]
For Adele, this meant examining some of the core beliefs that she held about herself, particularly as it related to her feelings of desirability and attractiveness; which (as she admitted to me) were aspects of herself that she had always felt less confident about. Adele and I also challenged her core belief that she was "not enough" for someone to want to be with her 'forever', and I showed her how to come up with accurate and positive evidence for how the opposite was in fact true.
When you examine the origin of your core beliefs, you understand how the real life events that you have witnessed and experienced - have set the stage for what you believe - and also what reinforces your insecurities and fears. With some help to strengthen the new core beliefs that Adele identified, she was able to feel a growing confidence in her worthiness, and she was far less fearful if a future relationship were to end.
Your learned beliefs originate from earlier life experiences, what you have been witness to in your environment; including the spoken and unspoken messages you were given throughout childhood, and what you continue to tell yourself, and believe.
Know that in life, you will continue to be given experiences that are opportunities to challenge your core beliefs; revealing what you need to examine more closely, to build greater confidence. See these life experiences as opportunities to become stronger and more resilient; and to evolve into the very best version of yourself.
You can always increase your self-confidence, self-worth and self-esteem.
The more that you live aligned with your authentic or highest self; of choosing what is right and best for you, the more that you will appreciate and value who you are. Tweet this! 
Adele needed to believe in her own desirability and worth first, in order to feel confident; and to know that she had much to offer someone as a life partner.
As Adele began to develop new core beliefs that she could believe in, her confidence in herself, and her desirability and attractiveness grew. She began to acknowledge her worth and value based on who she already was, and she found evidence to prove to herself that she was more than good enough as a life partner for someone. As I showed Adele how to challenge her self-doubts and the critical thoughts that would on occasion creep into her mind, Adele began to look for and find evidence that she was indeed desirable and worthy of having a wonderful long term relationship. With a little help, she began rewriting the old insecure narratives that she had been telling herself for so long.
When her travel visa was ready and she returned to Australia, Adele brought with her a newfound sense of self that she had never felt before; together with the knowledge that she was more than enough for this or any relationship. Adele also noticed that having done this inner work meant that she no longer would lose herself in a relationship; and that she could voice her needs and desires knowing that she deserved to feel happiness based on knowing herself best and in choosing a path that was right for her. Adele continues to live in Australia with her partner and two step-children and is a wonderful example of how self-confidence can be built at any time in one's life by choice.
The ending of a love relationship may rattle our confidence for a short time, and it is also possible that we will never really know the whole truth about why someone has chosen to end the relationship. What is even more important is that you understand and know your worth; that all relationships begin and end in some form, but that your responsibility to yourself is always to believe in who you are (in your greatness). Your belief in yourself is built upon positive action, through the ongoing and repetitive inner dialogue that reminds you of all that you are capable and deserving of, and to know that it is always within your power and your sacred rite to improve yourself; to grow and enhance who you are - because of your desire to do so.
If you enter into a new relationship continuing to doubt your worthiness, to feel insecure in who you are, to question your desirability, intelligence, attractiveness, or to be fearful of not being 'enough'; then you will not attract the kind of partner that you truly want. It matters first that you feel secure in who you are and confident in your value and worth.
If you know that you could benefit from rebuilding your confidence and a healthy sense of self that is based in truth rather than what problematic core beliefs you hold; please let me help. It may be time that you free yourself of the insecurities and fears that have kept you from finding the 'right' partner and for knowing that you are deserving of much (unconditional) love, beginning with your feelings towards yourself. If you would like my help in doing this, please reach out to me. 💜
*The name of my client and others have been changed to maintain confidentiality. Additional details or circumstances may also have been altered in order to ensure their utmost privacy.
Sharing the wisdom and beauty of divine love with you...
Namaste!
Podcast Theme Music: 'Aura' from the Album, Illuvia by Eternell www.eternell.net/album/illuvia
Accompanying Music: Eternell, 'Embrace'
A generous 'thank you' to Audio Engineer, P. Kirpikau for your excellent work!
Sunday Oct 27, 2019
Sunday Oct 27, 2019
The Power of Honesty in Your Love Relationship: One Couple's True Story
The WISDOM podcast Season 1 Episode 5
TIMESTAMPS:
Podcast Intro: 0-1:32 | Introducing the Story of Michael and Tara: 1:37 | How Therapy Helps to Heal the Past and Present: 7:46 | Your Awakening Moment: 9:17 | How We Teach Others How to Treat Us: 10:20 | The Rest of 'Their Story' - Michael and Tara: 11:26 | What Honesty Gives You: 13:42 | Advice for Offering Feedback to a Loved One: 14:22
In this episode we discover how Michael and Tara were able to acknowledge how what they were living was inauthentic, and how facing their personal inner truth would set them free to find new love; and to choose this based on what was right and best for each of them.
My client Michael* diverted his eyes, gazing down, visibly recoiling into himself; as if he was trying to make himself invisible. He was unable to make eye contact for several moments. Tears came to his eyes and he could not keep up with wiping them as more tears, ran down his cheeks.
It can be difficult for us to admit our mistakes, our vulnerabilities - and ultimately what we do that hurts those we love. Perhaps for some this is a learned behaviour; a subconscious but real fear that originated in childhood, where admitting fault would lend itself to being scolded, perhaps humiliated, and punished. If we are not self aware, then yes, we may not realize how our actions and words affect and hurt another. Or perhaps, as Michael revealed of his own behaviour, we often do realize when we have potentially said or done something that is hurtful, but avoid acknowledging and admitting this in the idealized hope that we are mistaken, or that we can avoid what would cause us to feel badly about our self.
Why do we have a difficult time acknowledging when we have done something that is not a true portrayal of the goodness that we are indeed capable of?
To acknowledge your mistakes is to have the immediate opportunity to 'right' them.
Michael had sought my help to save his marriage. It was weeks earlier that his wife Tara* had said that she wanted to separate. Michael was devastated. He was now desperate to do whatever he could to repair this relationship. Only later would I discover that perhaps Michael, wasn't at all surprised by Tara's decision.
It was difficult at first for Michael to admit outwardly the words and actions that had hurt his wife so deeply over the cumulative two decades that they had been 'in relationship'. It wasn't until Tara attended a session of therapy on her own with myself, that she was able to explain how she came to make the difficult decision to end the marriage; how she tried to rekindle the feelings of love, that she once felt for Michael despite his cutting sarcasm, his finger pointing and blame, his disrespectful words and a lack of loving actions that had been the catalyst for how her feelings changed towards her husband. Holding in the hurt and the many 'let downs' that Tara continued to experience in the marriage, meant an inevitable sadness and despair that grew into intolerance, disinterest, and dislike.
Upon leaving her first therapy session with me, Tara went to speak with Michael. She later described how empowering it was to have 'found her voice' and the courage to speak her truth. Tara shared with Michael many examples of how he had been hurtful over the years, and explained why she had stopped talking about her feelings and what bothered her. Tara learned to hold back from expressing her sadness and hurt since (as she explained), it was repeatedly reciprocated with Michael's denial and hostility.
"We can be in a love relationship and yet this doesn't mean that we are skilled at it. A relationship requires ongoing attention, effort, and the willingness to give of yourself in honesty and loving kindness. A love relationship will also inspire personal growth and the desire to become a better version of yourself. This is a calling that you must attend to." - dorothy ratusny
It was largely Tara's words spoken with complete openness and honesty that Michael came to realize that he allowed his ego to get in the way of being honest, kind, and vulnerable with the one person that had loved him unconditionally. Back in my office after that pivotal meeting with his wife, Michael admitted with remorse that he was finally ready to acknowledge the pattern of behaviour that reflected a lack of kindness, respect and love. As much as he had glimpses of the disrespectful and abusive way in which he conducted himself, Michael would still attempt to dismiss his behaviour, justifying his actions and unwilling to see himself as he was; with honesty and clarity.
My client's life was an example of how we treat others based on the way in which we are with our self, the end result of what we have been taught in our family of origin and our inability or unwillingness to be self-honest and to seek to make personal changes.
As an adult, we can no longer blame our childhood or any earlier life experience as an excuse for how we treat others. The work of therapy is to heal the past including how we were taught to think of and treat our self and others. As we choose to adopt healthy and respectful ways of being and to treat others with kindness and consideration, we build self-worth and reclaim a feeling of wholeness; and pride in our ability to be loving kindness. As we practice kindness directed inward; as we find the good in our self to dwell upon and feel positive about, it becomes easier to be this with others; and to treat others perhaps not the way that we were treated, but the way in which we should have been treated.
I help clients to fix or change a problematic situation; often this is the result of how they are not able (or at times willing) to act with compassion and love; and ultimately to correct the behaviours that cause much suffering unto themselves. This change begins with awareness of the impact of one's words and actions onto their self, and others. When you awaken, you see your self with honesty and accuracy. Awakening highlights what thoughts or actions have contributed to your suffering. Being self-aware allows you to choose how you will be different; and what is needed in order to have better relationships, to improve your current life circumstances, and ultimately how you think and feel towards your self, others, and the world.
"In therapy, together we conduct what becomes a personal discovery in order to achieve awareness; to shed light on a situation and your self, and to see everything with a clear and accurate perspective, so that you can begin to draw insights into how you are living your life that reveals just how you are causing your own suffering (and often, the suffering of others)." - dorothy ratusny
We teach others how to treat us by how we respond to their words and actions. If you want to build a solid relationship of open, honest communication then you must also be willing to listen to the other person tell you when you have done something that has hurt them; even when you do not "intend" to hurt someone or think that your actions were "wrong". By taking account of what someone is telling you, and being willing to look at your self, you learn so much. You begin to see your self with different eyes. You become attentive to the actions and words that were once an automatic response. This is another important way that you learn about your self; through the eyes of loved ones who you can trust to be truthful and willing to speak openly with you, but only as you take heed of their feedback, and as you are willing to examine what is being told to you.
For Michael and Tara, their relationship was broken beyond repair. Tara, despite her efforts to rekindle love, admitted that she felt indifferent at best towards her husband. What was helpful through this process of discovery and truth seeking, was that both Michael and Tara were now able to dialogue in an honest and open way; their conversations now pertaining to their roles as parents and how they would physically prepare to separate.
Michael revealed that perhaps for the first time in this or any relationship, he experienced a growing ease as he made an effort to communicate and to share his feelings and thoughts in kind ways rather than blaming others for how he felt, or for what was happening in his life. Michael would still find himself feeling anger and the undertones of aggression, but acknowledging (first to himself) how he felt, helped bring greater awareness to the situation and to what his actions needed to be. Expressing his true feelings was helpful for Michael. Practising self-honesty was healing; his awareness of his feelings helped him to take ownership of what he would do to help himself feel better rather than continue to take his frustrations out in blame on others.
Tara was also challenged to continue being self-honest. Her feelings of disappointment, sadness, as well as annoyance and anger were all too often bottled up. She now felt empowered to speak her thoughts and feelings with Michael and others; to use her voice, and to validate rather than deny or diminish her feelings. Tara would remind herself that speaking her truth within a future healthy love relationship would be received respectfully and with positive attention.
"Honesty curates relief and the absence of suffering." - dorothy
Honesty serves as a foundation for mutual trust with the person that you've chosen to be in relationship with, and to nourish the experience of being able to feel heard and understood as your partner honours your truth. Honesty does not preclude having disagreements but it does set the tone for a respectful exchange of truthful ideas and thoughts that serve to deepen one's knowledge about the other.
A note for offering feedback to a loved one...
Please remember to be gentle, compassionate, and kind. You can convey how you are feeling, including how you have been hurt, by using words that are respectful and considerate. "I feel...." and "I am feeling...." are examples of how to express with honesty your feelings without pointing blame at another. Often it is in sharing how we feel and think that misunderstandings and incorrect perceptions can be corrected with ease and heartfelt communication. It is in this way that both members of a couple relationship can learn from one another while maintaining a respectful and healthy line of communication.
*All names have been changed to maintain the confidentiality of clients. Additional details or circumstances may have been altered in order to ensure the utmost privacy.
Sharing the wisdom and beauty of divine love with you...
Namaste!
Podcast Theme Music: 'Aura' from the Album, Illuvia by Eternell www.eternell.net/album/illuvia
Accompanying Music: Eternell, 'Kalimba'
A generous 'thank you' to Audio Engineer, P. Kirpikau
Sunday Oct 06, 2019
Sunday Oct 06, 2019
The POWER of Emotional Connection In Your Love Relationship
The WISDOM podcast Season 1 Episode 2
TIMESTAMPS:
Two Important 'Takeaways' From This Episode: 2:15 | The Four Ways to Build Emotional Connection and Intimacy: 3:24 | The Definition of Emotional Connection: 5:38 | How Emotional Connection Happens: 6:23 | One Assumption You Might Have About Love: 10:08 | The Two Questions to Ask Yourself Which Determine Whether You Have Emotional Connection In Your Love Relationship: 12:04 | Emotional Connection is Not The Same As Sexual Chemistry: 13:35 | My Clients' Story - 'Meghan and Danny': 17:46
In this episode of The WISDOM podcast, I share with you the four ways that emotional connection and intimacy are built; how to rebuild connection and intimacy; and the real life story of my client Meghan who thought that the connection and intimacy that she felt was mutual, until she got to know her partner Danny, far better.
One of the most important elements in determining the longevity of a mutually loving and healthy relationship is the degree to which both members of a couple feel emotional intimacy and connection.
In this episode, we dive into what is most needed and what holds a love relationship together through life's challenging moments; allowing a couple to feel an intimate and special closeness, the desire to remain faithful and committed to one another, and to continue to learn about each other. This is a depth of emotional intimacy and connection that is cultivated and sustained throughout the course of the relationship.
How You Build Emotional Connection and Intimacy:
- (1) Authenticity: be honest and truthful about who you are; be willing to reveal your personality, including your 'likes' and 'dislikes', what you think about and believe in, and the values that you hold.
- (2) Vulnerability: Your willingness to reveal personal and intimate aspects of yourself (as you feel safe to do so) that you would not likely share with the rest of the world; admit your faults and wrong doings and be willing to apologize and make things right when you have hurt someone (including your partner).
- (3) Mutual Respect: Be willing to uphold and maintain respect and kindness towards your partner even when you both may be in the throws of an argument (because you can destroy so much of the closeness and vulnerability that comes from opening yourself and sharing deeply when you are not respectful nor kind; or if you are at times - purposefully hurtful or vindictive).
- (4) Unconditional Love: be love; purely, completely, and without conditions or expectations.
"Emotional connection in a love relationship is built on the intimate sharing of who you are, the personal details of your life (past and present), your future dreams and aspirations and who you still desire to be.
Connection and intimacy is cultivated out of your discerned liking (and love) of someone, your genuine interest and desire to learn and know more about the other person and to willingly reveal your whole self - with complete honesty and openness."
- dorothy zennuriye juno
"One critical element required by both members of a couple when building emotional connection is complete honesty."
- dorothy zennuriye juno
It is in being vulnerable and wholly honest with yourself first, that allows you to become more aware of what you may be in denial or avoidance of.
The deepest aspects of your self that you are able to reveal to your partner are often the aspects that need to be healed from your past.
In the early stages of dating, when you like someone and want to appear favourable in their eyes, it is natural that you want to show them the parts of your self that you want them to see.
The (deeper) emotional connection that you establish is built on your mutual ability to be vulnerable, to reveal all of your self even in moments when you are not at your best; and to consistently offer unconditional love, respect and kindness to your partner.
You must speak up if their behaviour is undesirable or unkind but you can do so with love, respectfully.
This allows you to feel safe; to be secure in the commitment of your relationship; and to strengthen your belief in your worthiness of being loved.
"Emotional connection is established and deepened by your ability to trust in another wholeheartedly and to feel safe and secure that you will be accepted unconditionally and not judged for who you are."
- dorothy zennuriye juno
"Our emotions serve as a strong indicator and a launching point for all of the choices we make since we are most influenced by how we feel. The more information we acquire about someone that is pleasing to us (for example, as they present to us as sharing similar values, beliefs and life goals), the more appealing we find them as a potential life mate, and the greater our desire and attraction towards them."
"Emotional connection and support is expressed most readily through loving words, understanding, patience and thoughtfulness."
And a loving end note: Regardless of how long you have been in relationship with someone, the emotional connection must continue to be nurtured and coveted as sacred.
Sexual intimacy and physical affection can definitely help to keep an emotional connection strong; but it is also important that a couple be intimate in their sharing of thoughts and feelings; in working together on their life plans and goals; and in who each is becoming.
Click here to download Relationship Rx:
A journal writing exercise for reflection and re-connection
A special thanks to my Audio Engineer, P. Kirpikau radioplato
Podcast Theme Music: 'Aura' from the Album, Illuvia by Eternell www.eternell.net/album/illuvia
Accompanying Music: 'To See' by Ludvig Cimbrelius
Sharing the wisdom and beauty of divine love with you...
Namaste!