February 2, 2022
Somewhere Between The Rage and the Silence: Mastering Self-Regulation | A Real Life Client Story
Part 2/3 on Emotional Intelligence
The WISDOM podcast Season 3 Episode 19
- Self-Regulation is one of the five basic competencies of emotional intelligence. -
Does This Sound Familiar? 0-1:33 | Podcast Theme Intro: 1:34 | How You Learned Emotional Dysregulation: 4:12 | Your Amygdala Hijacking: 5:32 |The Role of Your Frontal Lobes in Self-Control: 6:39 | What Makes You Emotionally Intelligent: 7:48 | My Client Gary and wife Silvana: 9:45 | What is Your Typical Emotional Reaction? 13:13 | The 3 Best Skills of Self-Regulation: 13:34 | 1. Breath and Your Vagus Nerve: 15:13 | 2. Self-Assessment: 17:15 | 3. Self-Regulation Strategy: 18:27 | Let's Dive Deeper Together: 22:04 | Podcast Theme Outro: 23:04
What if you grew up in a household where one parent would lose their cool a lot? They would yell at the top of their lungs whether in general frustration or as a means of calling attention to something that you or one of your siblings wasn’t doing or was doing that you shouldn’t be. What if both parents did that and it became a normative culture to witness raised voices every time someone was frustrated or angry?
What if yelling by one or both parents was taught as acceptable based on the rationalization that ‘yelling is the only way for me to get you to listen.”
Or, perhaps in your home you witnessed one or both parents blaming another person or a situation for how they feel. For example, making an external condition the source of one’s stress rather than looking to one’s thoughts and perceptions as the cause of one’s feelings.
We all have experiences growing up of how difficult emotions were demonstrated. Anger, sadness and anxiety are the three most common emotions that we struggle with.
How you learned to express your emotions is largely a facet of what you were taught; what was shown repeatedly and what therefore became normalized.
Welcome to part two in this three part series on Emotional Intelligence. I would like to set the record by stating we all have learned from our caregivers how to display emotions. Whether inappropriate and unhealthy such as in the examples I cited earlier, or as in some households, at first glance it would seem that no one ever gets angry. Everyone seems so pleasant and calm. In some families difficult and unwanted emotions are rarely shared and expressed openly. You may have learned to choke back what you feel; to store it away; to not let others really know what is bothering you, or how angry you really are.
In part one of this series on Emotional intelligence, I shared my client Anastasia’s story of how one situation – one critical moment became the tipping point that changed her life forever; and that became the precipice for building what was an absence of emotional regulation and other basic competencies such as empathy and self-awareness.
If you haven’t yet, please listen next to part one, and then join me as we wrap up this series in part three and the true story of another client – and how in honing the skills (the competencies) of emotional intelligence, helped to overcome the experiences of their past trauma.
Here in part two, I share the impact of emotional dysregulation as it specifically relates to living in a state of constant amygdala hijacking; and how the psychological stresses (whether real or imagined) can create a feedback loop of reacting to stress.
You are about to meet my client Gary* and his wife Silvana*. Each member of this couple was in a constant state of dysregulation - and both triggered by the other's reaction to their expression of emotion.
To help, I share the three best strategies (used in conjunction with each other) to successfully self-regulate emotions. If you've ever lost control of your emotions, you'll want to learn these effective strategies!! Join me!
* The names of my clients (and their loved ones) have been changed to maintain confidentiality.
Each Tuesday at 8pm EST, I take you on a journey - inside - what happens in a session of Life Coaching and Therapy in the 'ask dorothy' series as we answer the questions that honour your path and your life.
If you would like my help as you build these five competencies of EI (emotional intelligence) please reach out to me. namaste! 🙏
Sending you great 💜 love...
Sharing the wisdom and beauty of divine love with you...
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Emotional Intelligence Learning and Love:
* Part 1/3: Your Emotional Self Needs to Learn This [Podcast Episode]
* Why Taking a Deep Breath Feels Good [Medium]
* Your Vagus Nerve [Online Resource]
* The Amygdala Hijack [Online Resource]
* Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman [Book]
* Emotional Alchemy by Tara Bennett-Goleman [Book]
* Developing Emotional Intelligence [YouTube Video]
* Live Your Greatness [Podcast Episode Season 1]
* The Ultimate Self-Love WISDOM toolkit
* Self-Love: A Meditation to Heal Your Life [The Wisdom Archives]
* Work with Me [Life Coaching & Therapy]
A generous 'thank you' to Audio Engineer, P. Kirpikau radioplato
Podcast Theme Music: 'Aura' from the Album, Illuvia by Eternell www.eternell.net/album/illuvia